I like to read the plots of movies I’m never going to watch.

I usually do this on Wikipedia.

I watched “The Good Liar” tonight (woo, buddy!) and was scrolling through Hulu to see what else was there.

I came upon “Serena,” a movie about a 1930s couple running a timber business in NC. The description on Hulu says the wife is barren. OK.

Bradley Cooper & Jennifer Lawrence are the couple. I’m never gonna watch this. I don’t care. I’ll read the plot on Wikipedia.

Every paragraph of this plot inexplicably introduces a new character, generally with little to no context.

Did I mention the source of tension between this couple is that ol’ girl can’t have kids? Doesn’t mean her man can’t. He does. She sets out to kill the kid.

This is after like four characters who materialized out of nowhere have been killed.

Ultimately, the outside baby and the baby mama get away.

Then more people die. They die awful deaths.

Huh. Budget for this movie? $25M
Box office? $5M

Not totally unexpected, reading through that plot.

I recall the movie is based on a book. Geez, I wonder what the book is like?

Click on over. Hmm. Not much detail here. But I wonder what it feels like to have your book optioned and made into a movie, and for that movie to be abysmal.

Click on the author’s name.

Ron Rash.

That name sounds familiar. Is that that guy who...

Anyway, it’s not.