Pro tip: we are all hurting. Accusing parents of “expecting child free people to pick up the slack” is neither accurate nor helpful.

If your workplace has not adjusted its expectations for overall output in the pandemic, that is on management. It is not on parents, for whom it is physically and logistically impossible to engage in full productivity.

Related (apparently) controversial opinion: having pets is not like having kids. If I see you argue that, I’ve ceased to take you seriously as a human being.

Here’s the reality from someone with a 3 YO, and a partner who has been adamant about 50/50 division of childcare: it’s impossible. I want to be at my desk. I dont want to be rushing to phone calls or meetings or coalition Zooms while my 3 YO melts down or watches her 4th Elmo.

50/50 childcare means that, at my best, I get 20 hours of “normal” work done a week. Anything past that comes out of the early mornings or late evenings. And that’s a best case scenario, when my husband can take her out of the house.

And when I do get to work, I am already exhausted. Young kids involve constant troubleshooting. Mine is just now at the point where she can amuse herself for, if I’m lucky, ~10 minutes at a stretch, which is enough time to dash off a few emails. Not for a call.

I’m EXTREMELY lucky that my colleagues, both inside and outside my org—as well as Hill staffers and others—have been very understanding when I have to conduct a Zoom with a toddler on my lap blocking the camera (or else she melts down), or drop a call to deal with a skinned knee.

But there are only so many hours in the day, children are constantly “on” and command your full attention, and my kid hasn’t played with peers in nearly four months. She’s starving for attention. Because she’s 3.

So I do what I can. It’s not enough, for her or for my job. The action plan I had for advancement? P. much entirely out the window. I’m resigning myself to just treading water for now, probably even for another year or more, until well after things are “normal” and I can try...

...again, from square one. Whole new 12 month plan, start from scratch. Lather, rinse, pray for no more “repeat.”

It’s exhausting. Forward momentum, breaking ground, is out of the question. It’s just survival mode - which doesn’t get you advancement, or promotion, or exposure. Just surviving.

All of this is a very long way of saying “we’re all struggling; my struggle is different from yours; parents and people without kids are struggling in very different ways and facing very differently uncertain futures.” Just... be kind right now to each other.