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Jumping into Zoom calls with respected and beloved colleagues, using a Wartortle background, purely so people will ask me why I've got a Wartortle background, and I can tell them why Wartortle is a piece of shit
my hatred of Wartortle is well-documented https://twitter.com/WritNelson/status/1199924992265400321
POKEMON CREATURE DESIGNERS: it's a cute turtle that squirts water, named Squirtle.
EXECUTIVES: Perfect.
PCD: he transforms into a literal tank, with guns. He is sweet and kind and a walking war crime.
E: Love it. What happens in-between?
PCD: feathers!
E: ...What?
PCD: feathers
EXECUTIVES: Perfect.
PCD: he transforms into a literal tank, with guns. He is sweet and kind and a walking war crime.
E: Love it. What happens in-between?
PCD: feathers!
E: ...What?
PCD: feathers
silver-age-Flash-looking motherfucker
All Pokemon starter evolutions are VALID.
Charmeleon is PUNK
Ivysaur is AMBITIOUS
Bayleef is MAJESTIC
Croconaw is POWERFUL
Monferno is UNIQUE
Wartortle is
Dartrix is COMPELLING
Charmeleon is PUNK
Ivysaur is AMBITIOUS
Bayleef is MAJESTIC
Croconaw is POWERFUL
Monferno is UNIQUE
Wartortle is
Dartrix is COMPELLING
Imagine inventing Wartortle.
Imagine trying to get a single night of restful sleep, after inventing Wartortle.
Imagine trying to get a single night of restful sleep, after inventing Wartortle.
POKEMON CREATIVE DIRECTOR, POINTING: So, you created the perfect starter Pokemon.
CREATOR OF SQUIRTLE: Yes.
POKEMON CREATIVE DIRECTOR, POINTING TO SOMEONE ELSE: And you fucked it up.
CREATOR OF WARTORTLE: Ye--wait what
CREATOR OF SQUIRTLE: Yes.
POKEMON CREATIVE DIRECTOR, POINTING TO SOMEONE ELSE: And you fucked it up.
CREATOR OF WARTORTLE: Ye--wait what
Some of you are asking me to explain why Wartortle is the worst Pokemon.
no
no
ME: THE WAY IT MOVES. THE WAY IT LOOKS. THE DESPERATE, CLOYING AWKWARDNESS IT SPREADS IN ITS WAKE. THE VERY WAY ITS NAME STRIKES THE TONGUE AND HANGS LIKE A BLOODY NAIL. IT IS AN ABOMINATION, UNSEEN BY GOD.
WENDY'S CASHIER: sir, your change is $3.74
WENDY'S CASHIER: sir, your change is $3.74
responding to messages from concerned friends and family
For real
Unless you want to miss the meaning of this tweet
Consider the first letter in each sentence
Knowing that
Writing this thread is
A cathartic and
Relatively needed experience.
To be an
Opponent of evil
Requires
The fortitude to
Let loose a bitter scream
Endless and sharp
Unless you want to miss the meaning of this tweet
Consider the first letter in each sentence
Knowing that
Writing this thread is
A cathartic and
Relatively needed experience.
To be an
Opponent of evil
Requires
The fortitude to
Let loose a bitter scream
Endless and sharp
PITCH:
a sin-eater, but for Pokemon
and there's only one sin left to consume
a sin-eater, but for Pokemon
and there's only one sin left to consume
i'm just
so angry
and so tired
and so filled with hatred for Wartortle
so angry
and so tired
and so filled with hatred for Wartortle
