I'm done being pushed into silence, I will not be quiet anymore. This man right here has been subtweeting me in a vague fashion for two goddamn weeks now, blocking me before hand so I couldn't directly call him out on it or defend myself. Often tagging them with #/ratbitch.

This man has abused me, a shit ton while we were still friends, namely attacking my traumatic event BY NAME after I cut him off

"often using her dog's death... ...to excuse her own terrible behavior"

he KNOWS while we were still friends that statements like that HURT ME

yeah, my dog dying??? THAT WAS A TRAUMATIC EVENT TO ME!!! That fucked me up for life THAT IS WHAT CAUSED MY PTSD and he went out of his way to drop that publicly to hurt me!

He also attacked my boyfriend for "not thinking for himself and only getting his opinions from me"

which is not true, his claim about my ptsd is false too. He aimed to harm me because I cut him off

He has been going on about how people like me and my friends are "mad he is back" and "are probably talking shit" when he blocked not just me but tons of my friends before subtweeting me and people close to me.

and while it's not my place to disclose them, he has also been vaguing to people close to me over private stuff without context.

I've been pushed into silence because he knows I have trouble speaking up when it's about my PTSD, speaking up would mean I'm in a prolonged triggered state as he knows I'm sensitive about the traumatic event I went through. Speaking up would mean I'd have to talk about it.

To discuss wut he said about my condition, in the past two years I've brought up my PTSD in a discussion of me fucking up once. Publicly at least, and while I won't go into it, I had apologized for wut I did during that time and talked with my therapist to help better my behavior

I took steps to help lessen the damage of my PTSD too, so no I don't use it as a shield I don't use it as a crutch, that's nothing but an unempathetic slam at me because you know my PTSD is my weakpoint!!! That's ABUSIVE!!!

I'm literally shaking and about to cry while typing this

Because of him going at me I've barely eaten, my self harm tendencies have gotten worse, my sleep has barely happened, I've been in physical pain cuz he wouldn't stop

The people who have been supporting him and enabling him haven't helped either, I tried to ignore him, I tried to move on but he just wouldn't quit vague tweeting me.

I don't want to go into too much of the private details, I don't want this to be bigger than it already is. I just want him to stop, I want him to leave me alone and let me live my fucking life. After our beef was said and done I've done my best to move on from him.

Of course that has been hard, he's become a trigger for me in of himself, typing his name, seeing his name, gives me panic attacks. Intrusive thoughts, nightmares, suicidal thoughts, just hearing his NAME makes me fucking lose it!!!!

I haven't felt fine
I haven't felt SAFE

in a long

time.

This is the tip of the iceberg of his abuse. I will say that much, he has HURT me a lot.

Seeing abuse victims come out lately made me feel guilty for not speaking up, I wanted to but I couldn't.

If you look at any of his #/ratbitch tweets or any tweets that are clearly about me, he has made claims basically along the lines of me being so unhealthy cult leader that causes the people around me to not think for themselves, this is toxic and hurtful thinking in of itself-

-my friends disagree with me A LOT and have learned to even take my opinions as the more cynical one in some cases. I've been told by many that they know how I can sometimes let grr rawrs cloud my judgement and take shit with a grain of salt this is just well poisoning on his end

god i'm tearing up now

this has been hard

this has been REALLY hard

I've barely eaten even today

my health has been terrible becuz of all this and he knows what he's FUCKING doing. he KNOWS this hurts me.

I didn't want to respond because I felt it would be giving him the response he wanted and in a way,,, I guess he got that, he got what he wanted. I don't mean that sarcastically, a part of me really feels like I lost and gave him what he wanted... but I'm speaking out anyways.

Becuz I'm done having someone who abused me get away with it.

Thank you all for hearing me out, you don't even have to believe him being an abuser, I understand I don't have every deet laid out on the table. But you cannot tell me what he's doing isn't morally bankrupt because it is.

There have been others subtweeting and vaguing me, but I don't feel the need to highlight them in that way, they're further away from my life and haven't hurt me the way Silver has

I was given consent to add this, a friend of mine clearly asked Silver and another subtweeter to not start shit like this after 5 straight days of them subtweeting while me and none of my friends said basically nothing. They promised not to and then continued recently anyways.

I was given consent from gwen to bring this up, one abusive instance was in 2017, a month before my traumatic event. when I first got with autumn (who im not with anymore), her ex, Gwen felt pretty upset about it, as those two recently broke up-

-Gwen told me that she told people not to start shit with me about it. Silver proceeded to trash talk me on a vent I didn't follow, when I confronted him, he said flat out that if Gwen killed herself it'd be my fault.

I lost this DM sadly cuz it was over skype but he said that.

Not to just keep digging up dirt, but you have no idea how scared I've been of people not believing me or shutting down the idea that he has abused me. He has.

And on the month of my birthday too, like this man isn't fucking THAT stupid he knows what he was doing by subtweeting me during June, he saw that my birthday was close in my gd twitter name! Maybe I'm reading too deep but I can't be convinced he didn't have it in mind!!!

I just want to enjoy my birthday for once, the past few birthdays I've experienced so much shit happen that I have trouble enjoying it, I want this year to be different, please.

I'm not sure what the responses will be once it reaches outside of my following of people, I genuinely feel scared for when that happens. But it's nice knowing I have people around me and I'm not alone on this.

Thank you Thank you THANK you to everyone ;w;

I'm feeling significantly calmer now. The physical pain has stopped.