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When you grow up wading through cycles of trauma and interpersonal abuse, where everybody you know drinks to cope, nobody has access to therapy, and all we do is hurt each other because we don't know how not to hurt each other, the accountability discourse reads very differently
My starting point was never "I see did harm"
Growing up, all my relationships were turbulent. Full of regret. Because there was no normal baseline for how to engage with people, and every relationship was tangled up in the abuse of one or more other people
Of course I did harm
Growing up, all my relationships were turbulent. Full of regret. Because there was no normal baseline for how to engage with people, and every relationship was tangled up in the abuse of one or more other people
Of course I did harm
Being a young child and seeing that even your friendships are poisoned by harm done by the adults in our lives, and not knowing how to navigate that, and knowing that you're hurting people even when you don't mean to, because you don't know how else to be
Doesn't allow for ego
Doesn't allow for ego
My starting position was figuring out where I fit into abusive family and friendship dynamics, how I navigated them, and how to make peace with every thing that could not be undone
While still living within those abusive family and friendship dynamics because I couldn't leave
While still living within those abusive family and friendship dynamics because I couldn't leave
I was a feral child raised on the internet in the 90s/2000s, because my parents decided I was too broken for public school but never got me help
I was one of those meanspirited teens we talk about today as a new invention, who spat venom anonymously because it made me feel good
I was one of those meanspirited teens we talk about today as a new invention, who spat venom anonymously because it made me feel good
All my friendships as a child were fraught and distressing. All my friendships for most of my adulthood, right until the point I started seeing a therapist in college, would make me so miserable I was sick all the time
I have deeply rough and uneven relationships with my family, which I'm just now able to work through towards something amicable after moving four states away and not seeing them for two whole years
There is *so much* harm in all of these relationships, on all sides
There is *so much* harm in all of these relationships, on all sides
Which is why topics about accountability and disposability make so little sense to me
You can't imagine making people disposable when you yourself have been disposable. When you come from disposable people
Poor people
Addicts
The mentally ill
The abused
You can't imagine making people disposable when you yourself have been disposable. When you come from disposable people
Poor people
Addicts
The mentally ill
The abused
I've worked really hard not to feel disposable, and to hold myself accountable
To me and for me
That's really all you can do
To me and for me
That's really all you can do
