A story of low & high expectations

The moment I was born, white society had low expectations for my life

My mum had high expectations on me, to not fulfil white ppls expectations. To be blak & deadly

I studied the piano from age 6 & until grade 5 I was an all A student

My year 5 teacher would seat kids in rankings on test. 100 out of 100 back on left. 0 out of 100 front right. Everyone placed in their order (messed up right) I got 100 out of 100 for my test. So did a white boy. He didn’t want to share the spot with me

He accused me of cheating, then raised his hand & in front of class told the teacher he saw a nit in my hair. The teacher walked to the back & stood behind me. The whole class watching. With 2 rulers in her hand she parted my hair with the rulers looking for nits. I felt so small

From that day My grades dropped from As to Cs. My mum asked why. I shrugged. She never pushed it. She’d been there like me. Worse. The only Aboriginal student throughout her whole schooling. I made sure my grades never dropped too low. I wouldn’t allow them that satisfaction

I had average school grades through high school. Privately I continued piano & did theory & practical exams up to level 7 & estedfords every year (which stressed me out, but built my confidence). Piano was my success, no one could take that from me. My high expectation

In those days entry into Uni was through TE score. My average grades didn’t give me the score I needed for BA in Asian Studies. I was annoyed with myself for playing to white peoples low expectations of me. But The Uni offered special entry for Murris. So I got into the course

I started Uni 1990. Being a January baby I started school when I just turned 5. So I was only 17 my first year of Uni. Every Murri I knew thought it was the strangest degree for a blak fella. I studied Mandarin Chinese & learnt history, politics.... about the whole of Asia

My mum & dad thought it was a great degree. I started to build higher expectations of myself. I wanted to be a foreign diplomat. Then I added journalism as my second major. Murris also thought that was strange because the media was our enemy

Lecturers were ok. Some didn’t believe I fitted in the courses, low expectations. But it made me more determined. When I finished Uni I saw 2 jobs. One a flight attendant on Qantas for a new route to China. I thought I could practice my Chinese & travel

The other an Aboriginal specified cadet at WINtv. Mum told be to apply for WIN. My mum excelled at writing & had wanted to be a journalist herself. But a blak woman in media in 1950/60 was not an option. I took the WIN job. all my colleagues held held low expectations of me.

Which made me work harder. I’m nearly 50 & everything I do i hold high expectations on myself. So now white people have turned their once low expectations into high expectations on me. They keep raising the bar higher & higher. YET...

White people are born with high expectations on themselves because of their whiteness. They don’t achieve or they are mediocre & that’s celebrated. Because in their mind, that’s still higher than achievements of Blak ppl. So The bar they set for themselves lowers & lowers...