CW: enabling abuse

Same song, 100th verse. Yesterday, MM's defense (via FB) was essentially "I maybe did wrong, but it wasn't to get in her pants, & btw she messed up on a book project."

SW, the CEO of OBS, immediately responded, having no context other than he said/she said.

MM has since deleted his defensive post and written a shorter one to the effect of "I didn't mean to gaslight or manipulate you, I'm sorry for any hurt I caused."

But I'm not here to talk about MM.

I'm here to talk about white men who spring to the defense of other white men.

(Or anyone of any race/gender who springs to anyone's defense - but it feels overwhelmingly prevalent among one demographic)

Regardless of whether we think SW's impression of MM is correct, the fact remains that SW completely, IMMEDIATELY dismissed the original allegations.

If someone works with you, or for you, or is just someone you trust and like a lot... if they're accused of abuse, *even if you don't believe it*, be silent. Don't go on public record, immediately & unequivocally dismissing the story as illogical and unbelievable.

Yes, it's easy to instinctively want to support someone if you like them. (If you feel the need, send them a private message)

But if you throw them your public support, you are contributing to one of the biggest reasons why abuse is so rampant in the industry & the world.

You're one of the biggest reasons why abuse survivors feel unsafe coming forward with their stories about how well-liked people abused them.

You're one of the biggest reasons why abusers feel confident continuing in their actions, because they know their colleagues (especially those of the same gender) have their back and will shield them from any personal or professional consequences.

Every. single. time. a well-connected well-liked person with privilege is accused of abuse, there are a host of other privileged people who immediately spring to their defense.

The overwhelming majority of the time, it turns out that the allegations were truth.

If you unhesitatingly support someone based on a SINGLE post, regardless of the truth, you're complicit in enabling the culture of abuse & the silencing of victims.

(And far too often, these supporters are so quick to defend others because they've been guilty of abusing too.)

I don't know SW, MM, or JG personally. I'm not speculating on what happened. I'm saying that *it doesn't bloody matter what happened*, the comment on yesterday's post was unacceptable.

This industry is full of CEOs who unhesitatingly support white men. STOP.

#BelieveWomen. #BelieveSurvivors. if you feel like your colleague or friend is surely that an outlier, a single case in a multitude where the accused didn't do it:

Remember the cautionary tale of ZS before deciding you're willing to risk being wrong & going down with that ship.

Update: this is an example of an excellent company response. Not sweeping anything under the rug, not dismissing people's voices. Props to @TheOnyxPath for taking this step to restore my faith in the leadership of at least some TTRPG companies. https://twitter.com/theonyxpath/status/1276667762891464704?s=21

(I say this in hopes that it's more than just a token gesture. Sensitivity training is good, but needs to be coupled with ongoing accountability and evaluation if others have been hurt along the way)

Update:

I received an unexpected email from @stevewieck, the CEO whose response to abuse allegations began this thread.

Y'all, I'm cautiously encouraged. I didn't expect him to reach out, and certainly not to do so with apparent humility and gratitude.

(shared w/ permission)

Sometimes when ppl are called out, they respond with contrition in hopes of being praised for repentance, soothing their hurt feelings.

Other times they respond with contrition bc they truly see the need to change.

I don't know Steve's heart, but I truly hope it's the latter.

When people respond to me privately and open an apologetic line of communication like this, I take it as implicit permission for me to share my heart on the issue.

So I wrote Steve a very long email in response. Sharing here because, well, it's things I care a lot about.

In turn, he responded graciously and positively to my very long semi-unsolicited email. Little bright spots in a dark week.

I hope perhaps this marks a small turning point, one of many turning points we all have in life, toward OBS becoming active on behalf of the marginalized instead of supporting the status quo.

I hope we won't have more responses like those to the DTRPG Not-Z*k book or the abuse allegations.

Only time will tell if Steve, along w/ others in the industry, are willing to put his money where his mouth is.

But in the meantime, it's good to celebrate small steps forward.