What's the impact of communication issues on #autistic people over time?

A thread where I explore my own experience. Please share and add to it as you wish. /1 #thread #autism

#Autistic people seem to lack the instruction manual for social communication. Non-autistic folk seem to have this software pre-installed and, for the most part, negotiate communication with little drama. We #Autistic people tend to struggle. /2

As it's all very 'manual' for us, social communication takes way more energy and leaves many of us exhausted. All the short cuts, automatic bits and cheats that non-autistic folk enjoy are all very much hard manual labour for us. I'll give you an example. /3

Someone says 'good morning' to a non-autistic person and the response is automatic and probably sincere and warm. A 'good morning' in response.

For an #autistic person, chances are things will go differently. /4

If our hypothetical #autistic person is having a good day and is feeling energetic, they may access one of their social scripts they have memorised for such occasions. However, this isn't guaranteed. A moment of doubt and everything spirals. /5

It can end up being an internal version of the conversation between Gandalf and Bilbo Baggins at the start of the Hobbit: "What do you mean good morning? Do you mean you wish me a good morning or that it is a good morning whether I like it or not?" /6 #autism

Of course real life flies by at quite a pace so by thd time our #autistic friend has decided how to respond without making themselves look presumptuous and foolish, the stranger is half a mile away. A combination of manual rather than auto, and over thinking, scuppers all. /7

But this situation is relatively low pressure and low stakes. This kind of thing happens for so many other social communications over the course of a day. An #autistic person may well experience many similar issues in a short span of time. /8

Sometimes the miscommunication is much more severe, but again ultimately a result of a lack of automatic meaning-recognition software and over-thinking to compensate. Conversations with bosses, partners, colleagues can be fraught with error. /9 #autism

But imagine (if you're not #autistic - if you are, you won't need to imagine at all) that this is a constant feature of your life. Every conversation you have has the potential to lead to painful miscommunication and divergence of purpose. /10

Eventually you're going to dread these moments. Eventually you will have a fatalistic sense that any conversation is inevitably going to lead to conflict. Eventually you become traumatised by the repetitive failure and subsequent fallout. /11 #autism

This won't be obvious, high alert trauma, I don't think. In my experience is very low level most of the time but it *is* chronic, and it gets worse and worse as time passes. As you get older and the failures pile up, it gets more severe. This is my world. /12 #autism

Every conversation is approached with caution. Everyone who starts a conversation with you is a potential source of pain and unhappiness. The fact we #autistic people seem to generally lack that social handbook of 'how to do it' has long lasting effects. /13

Some #autistic people won't experience this, of course. It's no monolith. But many will, I think, recognise the feeling.

I have ended up hyper defensive and reluctant. I can still easily speak in public but my ability to 'chat', even with close friends, is deteriorating. /14

A lifetime of communication problems leads to a lifetime of chronic anxiety and fear around socialising, which exacerbates existing isolation problems many #autistic people have to deal with. /15

Unfortunately I have few answers for this. There's no easy fix. But being more self assured in our diagnosis and knowing that these errors are likely and even inevitable might help make it feel less serious. /16 #autism

Similarly treating miscommunication lightly, being unafraid of admitting to a non-autistic person that we are unsure of their purpose, would go a long way to removing some of the pressure. /17 #autism

But this relies heavily on awareness and acceptance - the two big issues in autism advocacy that people like me push for day in, day out. Help by sharing my stuff and that of others to help shift things. /18 #autism

People to follow for more info:
@AnnMemmott
@KieranRose7
@milton_damian
@SNeurotypicals
@NeuroRebel
@emkburke
@lilririah

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/UfTVnRY