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Seeing a lot of bi and pan lesbian discourse on my TL, so i wanted to make a thread about it, written by me, a Bi-Lesbian, to anyone who doesn't understand what this term means or feels invalidated by it!
Pls read the full thread before blocking me thx!
Pls read the full thread before blocking me thx!
want to start out by saying, I didn't really want to do this! My labels are really important and personal to me, and I understand that this one specifically can potentially blacklist me with even other queer people, but that's who I am, and nobody is telling our side sooooo
Being a Bi or Pan lesbian can mean a lot of different things for a lot of people. For some people it might mean they are femme leaning in their sexuality, but are also attracted to men, or they are exclusively les-romantic, but are sexually attracted to men as well.
This isn't why I consider myself a Bi lesbian, but it is a common reasoning. For me, being a Bi-lesbian I directly connected to my gender identity as a trans woman, and finding a place in the WLW community.
I used to identify as Bi and Gay when I was still masc identifying, but when I started transitioning, that term didn't feel right to me, because I no longer identified as male or masc adjacent.
So when I saw the term "Bi-Lesbian" I felt (and feel) as though it was a perfect fit! It makes me feel more like a woman, and it makes me feel confident in my sexual and gender identity! The term actually means a whole lot to me, and is the most accurate label for me to date.
The first contradiction people will usually bring up is that lesbian exclusively means being attracted to women and not men. And that is something I totally understand! That's what the label can mean and that's awesome. Its also why "bi lesbian" is a different label entirely
With terms in place to define the exclusive attraction towards women, that label doesn't have any room for non-binary or Agendered people. And that's also okay, because thats why we make new labels or change the meaning of them completely.
Lesbians have existed forever, but the label originates to ancient greece on the island "Lesbos" which is where the poet Sappho lived and wrote very good and very gay poetry.
She is widely believed to be one of the first lesbians to write about her experiences and feelings towards other women and create spaces where other women could feel the same way. This is where we get the terms "lesbian" and "sapphic".
I know a lot of people know these things already, but I'm bringing them up for a reason. These terms were the first to define WLW feelings and people, but centuries later, are widely seen as able to also include GNC, Agendered, and Non-Binary people as well.
Expanding what being a lesbian can include (for some lesbians. Not all feel this way) is proof enough that labels have the ability to adapt and change with the environment the are in and the people surrounding them. Labels are actually very much alive, and they evolve.
Just like living organisms, terminology can broaden and adapt to the people around it. Say your only attracted to women, but you mistake a NB person for a women, and then find out they're not a woman...
There's obviously nothing wrong with that, but if you want to take it further with that person, then continuing to be attracted to them would mean that either your label must change, or you can adapt the meaning of it.
You can also just say "PFF never mind. That person is no longer attractive to me now that their identity falls outside if my range." And thats fine too, I suppose, but you would be denying that you are or were attracted to that individual.
All that to say, we use labels to better define who we are and explain our identities, but in truth, they are actually just words, and there will be many times when they do not correspond with a feeling you have in a moment.
To bring it back to Bi and Pan lesbians, labels and definitions are always more liquid than solid. In many cases, a label for yourself doesn't have to be grounded in the perceptions of others to be accurate to your own sense of being.
I have to believe this, because I am trans, non-binary, poly, bisexual, and a lesbian. Literally nothing I've ever done or been has ever fit into one label, and it would be pointless to fit everything into one box.
I think that's a pretty good explanation and justification of labels, but I wanna talk about the other big thing I've been seeing: Validation and invalidation.
The main argument I see is that big and pan lesbians invalidate lesbians, pansexual, and bisexuals. And to that I say, why does one persons label diminish yours?
Actually I'll raise you, why are you LETTING someone's label diminish your own? Its your label, and the personal meaning of it to you hasn't changed, so really it doesnt matter what someone identifies as, because they cant change who you are whether they want to or not.
The only reason a completely different label could ever invalidate your own, is if you just aren't secure in your label. If you feel like the expansion and altering of definitions threatens your view of yourself, then you recognize your own insecurity within your identity.
If you are worried about your own identity changing, then either realize that your identity is your own and you are the only one with the power to redeem yourself, or realize you might be more flexible than your label.
Whatever the case may be, dont take it out on other people whose relationships with their identifiers doesn't fit in with your own, and instead use that energy to listen to us and not block us for our identities :0
I will probably add to this thread as people ask questions or try to start discourse under it, but in the mean time, let's talk about shitty men and how their actions are blamed on women!
So let's say your a lesbian (maybe you are IRL, so if so, imagine your you) and your at a bar. A guy approaches you and buys you a drink. You say "sorry, I'm a lesbian". He might be cool and leave, or he might say some shit like "maybe you havent found the right guy yet"
This man is an asshole, obviously, but it is a constant occurrence that men who want to fuck a woman does not really care about her sexual identity.
I'm saying this because I've also seen a recent uptake in the same kind of men saying "are you a bi lesbian" in response to a woman's disinterest.
Often times, people will shift the blame of this onto bi and pan lesbians, based on the idea that bi and pan lesbian identities are giving men an excuse to continue badgering lesbians.
In reality, this is not the fault of bi or pan lesbians, but is actually the fault of these men being shitty!
Do not blame other women for the actions of men. These men will say anything if they think it might mean they get to have sex with you.
Bam, myth busted.
Do not blame other women for the actions of men. These men will say anything if they think it might mean they get to have sex with you.
Bam, myth busted.
Another thing I'm gonna add real quick, is that anytime you discourse over people's identities and labels, just know that they are still real people. Real people who will often see what your saying about them! So be sensitive about saying who does and doesn't exist pls and thanks
Alright officially muting the thread now, but need to say two more things! 1. Nothing any of you say can change who I am. Sorry, but this was not an overnight identity change, ive used this label for a very long time and I don't intend on stopping because you dont understand me.
2. The fact that I'm hearing the same hateful things over and over again from actual far-right A holes and terfs AND people in my own LGBTQIA+ community should be enough of a reason for some of y'all to revaluate yourselves if you values are aligning with actual Nazis.
