Today is my last session with the therapist I’ve been seeing for over 5 years.

Not gonna lie, it hurts. But I’m thankful for her guidance, and I’m proud of the progress I’ve made and will continue to make.

A #postdocpapi #mentalhealth reflection...

I got very depressed leading up to my quals in year 2. Year 1 came with many challenges, and my self-doubt was peaking. My mental state frightened me because it reminded me of how I felt when I dropped outta college. That was a dangerous time for me.

I told a close friend and he recommended that I seek counseling. Honestly, I didn’t even consider that yet, but he went through the process and it helped him a lot, so I was like “fuck it - I’m tryna survive”

*THIS HIGHLIGHTS THE IMPORTANCE OF HAVING THESE CONVERSATIONS*

I called the school health services and completed a small survey. They asked for my preference, male or female. I hadn’t considered that then, but my gut reaction was to choose female, and I wasn’t sure why so I thought about it for a second...

I have a hard time opening up to people. I’d say what I share is less than 50% of what I feel. I realized that I chose female because that made me most comfortable - I was raised around strong Latinas, and they were who I would go to in the off chance that I wanted to share.

So the school paired me with a Latina and it was for the best. I honestly don’t think I would’ve been as able to open up if I was talking to any other demographic.

*THIS HIGHLIGHTS WHY REPRESENTATION MATTERS*

As a Nuyorican in the Ivy League, I didn’t realize how my two lives were pulling me apart. I was caught between the science and the bonchinche, which was difficult for me.

This was the root of all of our conversations. It encompasses everything in my life. Everything.

My therapist helped me understand myself in a way that I couldn’t on my own. Remember how I said I don’t open up to people? Turns out that includes myself as well.

My therapist helped me develop systems to ensure that I was growing and taking care of myself.

One example: Cranberry juice.

Sugary drinks had always been my weakness; it always got in the way of my health improvements. I loved cranberry juice, the one with all the added sugars. She suggested I buy the pure juice and water it down so I still got the tartness I loved.

So I tried this, and while it wasn’t the same, I did enjoy it. And that put me on a path to completely erase sugary drinks from my life.

WOW!

I learned that big changes are the result of small adjustments.

These were the type of lessons my therapist taught me. They get more personal than that, but like I said, I don’t like to share

I still have the original glass bottle of the pure juice in my lab desk. I look at it whenever I need a reminder that I have the power to change.

My therapist helped me navigate the most difficult challenges of my life, from rocky professional relationships to losing my mom

I’m not sure where I’d be without her help, and that’s because I’m too afraid to think about it.

My therapist came to my thesis defense. You have *no* idea how much that meant to me. It allowed me to thank her in a special way, and it allowed her to be there for what I believe is also her accomplishment.

Therapists: Thank you for the work that you do. It can never truly be appreciated enough.

Grad students: Please talk to someone.