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I know it& #39;s mostly Aruban women coming forward right now but rape culture doesn& #39;t disappear beyond Aruban shores. Curacao (and the rest of the world) doesn& #39;t get a cop out. Men shouldn& #39;t need (more) women coming forward at this point to be convinced
Whenever women tweet about their experiences we as men just act surprised and disgusted for ten minutes before continuing with our regularly scheduled misogyny. There is zero reflection, zero accountability for our own role in this system
Men are less likely to be a victim of rape culture (though it still happens a lot to us too), and the secret (it& #39;s not a secret) is that most of us know who the abusers in our midst are. A man I& #39;ve known for 5 seconds would feel comfortable harassing a woman in front of me
Because the assumption is that we are all like that. And if I stay quiet when shit like this happens, I am in fact agreeing with him. And that is also why men speaking out against harassment past the cursory "rape is fucked up" are usually automatically seen as a traitor.
Sometimes rapey behavior is encouraged just so we can establish a certain level of trust between each other. I can& #39;t be called out or snitched on if the person next to me is displaying the same behavior in front of me.That is why men that denounce this or speak out are ostracized
Because a trust is broken at that point. Because we have all agreed that if we don& #39;t snitch on each other, we would all benefit from this privilege. I don& #39;t have to be an abuser for rape culture to work in my benefit. As a man, I get credit for doing the least.
Showing some decency and respecting boundaries gets lauded as if I& #39;m Christ on a jetski. The bar for "good men" is on highest circle of hell but it& #39;s still hell. As long as I& #39;m not a physical or sexual abuser or an emotional abuser in the most obvious of ways, I& #39;m golden.
Men oftentimes want points for being nice (and a lot of times we get it too) but the fact is that being nice isn& #39;t an indicator of even being bottom-tier decent. Abusers are oftentimes friendly towards the people they don& #39;t abuse. They can even be "nice" to the people they abuse
I& #39;m talking to men only here: . When women say men are trash you shouldn& #39;t get mad. Plain and simple. And the reason why you shouldn& #39;t get mad isn& #39;t because you get to assume lazily that you& #39;re the exception- that you& #39;re one of the good ones
You shouldn& #39;t be mad because it prolly applies to you and you need to reflect to see how you can do better. Take it as a moment consider what you& #39;ve done to perpetuate sexism this week in your personal lives and what you& #39;ve done to stop it
We rarely do enough, if we do anything at all. And that& #39;s not to even count all the emotional abuse and offhanded misogyny we practice on the daily that perpetuates the same ideologies that make rape culture possible.
We need to push the conversation beyond only rape, which is the most obvious way that women are victims of rape culture, and be critical of the ways we participate. The sad thing is that oftentimes when I make a thread like this it& #39;s mostly women retweeting and liking it
But they& #39;re not the ones I& #39;m addressing because they know more about this than I do. I know other men be reading my tweets but are scared to acknowledge for fear of being seen agreeing with me, and I could give a fuck if they like me or think I& #39;m a pickme
I& #39;ve long ago learned that if I want to be vocal about this shit then I gotta be willing to sever ties and miss out on a lot of opportunities to hang with men who would otherwise love to kick it with me. Cuz of course they would be nice to ME.
But if that& #39;s what it takes then I don& #39;t need y& #39;all friendships. If we can& #39;t call each other out to limit the damage we do to people& #39;s lives then I don& #39;t need y& #39;all in my life. A lot of y& #39;all "caring about women" tweets are performative and only meant to help your brand
And because the bar is low enough those tweets would absolutely work if your goal is to look good in comparison. But if your goal is to actually do good then you& #39;re gonna have to do a lot of soul searching and expose yourself for the trash that you& #39;ve been
Anyways it& #39;s very telling how so-called "good men" react when the conversation is pushed beyond rape and enter territories where we ourselves are guilty of displaying awful and inexcusable behavior. It& #39;s silence. It& #39;s always fucking silence
Because we know if we stay silent for long enough this will go away. And that is the privilege we have, and that is why we are all trash.
