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This person who you are planning on spending your life with. When you are sick, unable to care for yourself, dying... will this person carry you to the bathroom? Keep you clean & fed & brave when you& #39;re afraid? If that was needed TODAY, would they do it? Would you do it for them?
Would they be part of your circle of emotional support & understanding who you know will always have your back & know you 100%? Or will you still have to find your safe place from somewhere else?
And if the answer to all those answers is No (or I& #39;m not sure) - then why are you there? What are you getting from it?
You can& #39;t be having the same arguments with your partner for 20 years about sharing chores or whatever. It& #39;s not about the dishes. It& #39;s about "do you understand how this makes me feel?" The answer is not "get a domestic helper". The answer is get another husband.
A bugbear of mine is other women commiserating with women with unsupportive husbands, finding practical ways around it like "organize your time! Get up at 3am! Get friends to help with babysitting! Have a date night!"
NO. It is NOT inevitable that husbands are useless & oblivious
NO. It is NOT inevitable that husbands are useless & oblivious
There are millions of wonderful, supportive & contributing husbands out there who do their part because they WANT to. They understand that& #39;s what being a family is, even a family of 2. Not because they& #39;ve been bullied or bribed into it. You cannot change him unless he wants to
You don& #39;t have to find strategies to work around a partner who doesn& #39;t get you, and why you& #39;re asking for the things you& #39;re asking for.
The kind of true, lifelong emotional & practical support you need from "your people", those you call your family, can come from anywhere. Redefine your idea of what family is. The price of admission is commitment to each other, even in the worst of times.
Romantic love changes over time. It is SUPPOSED to. It serves to draw you to each other at first. But it& #39;s meant to grow into something deeper, stronger & more resilient to the hard times that real life brings. Romance by itself can& #39;t do that. It& #39;s too fickle and flimsy.
It& #39;s totally fine to have a romantic partner who ISN& #39;T part of your circle, doesn& #39;t give emotional support. It does mean that you have to keep them very separate from your real inner self.
a) it isn& #39;t sustainable long term with the same person
b) most ppl aren& #39;t capable of this
a) it isn& #39;t sustainable long term with the same person
b) most ppl aren& #39;t capable of this
No, there ISN& #39;T "someone out there for everyone". Not everyone is going to find the kind of emotional support & commitment we all need as humans, in 1x romantic partner, conveniently matching orientation, identity & whatever other requirements. The maths doesn& #39;t add up.
If a romantic partner is what you WANT in your life, you gotta know what you& #39;re expecting from them. What you& #39;re willing to overlook or compromise on, what are dealbreakers, and maybe expand your horizons on who you deem suitable.
And then you have to know that they& #39;re asking themselves the same questions about you. ARE you willing to do for them what you expect from them?
It& #39;s not flowers, date nights, gifts or "days off" from the children that you want. What you want is to feel seen and understood, to not have to explain your inner self every 5 minutes to the person who is supposed to know you best. Say THAT.
