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I think I tell this story every year, but when I heard the news I was out at a restaurant drinking with my friends, I said outloud "wow that& #39;s two MJ songs back to back" and our waiter comes around and says "I just put in some dollars on the machine, gotta play it in his honor"
And I was like, "in his honor?? What do you mean??" And he told me it was on the news he passed away.... I instantly just like went into shock, I yelled at him tbh, I told him "no, that& #39;s not true, you& #39;re wrong!! It was Farrah Fawcett!!" And he& #39;s like "I knowww but it& #39;s true"
And I was like "no it& #39;s not, it& #39;s NOT true." And he honestly felt bad for me he was like "I& #39;m so sad too" and I was so confused and I couldn& #39;t process it and I picked up the phone immediately and called my dad, I said "I don& #39;t know that& #39;s what people are saying, I& #39;m sad...."
He only talked for a minute I can& #39;t remember why, then I called my mom and she was like "I haven& #39;t heard that yet, you& #39;re right maybe it& #39;s wrong.. maybe you& #39;ll hear that it& #39;s wrong" and I& #39;m like "I know, it can& #39;t be true" but she sounded also like.. She was trying to keep me calm
I talked to my friend across the table for a minute and I was like "it& #39;s just not true so I don& #39;t know why everybody thinks it is.." and a few min passed and I was like "hold on I just have to run to the bathroom", I ran to the bathroom and felt like I was gonna puke tbh..
I remember I just went in there and stood at the sink and stared down because I didn& #39;t want to believe it was true I was in such shock, then I started to cry, and then my friend came right on the bathroom and was like "I know you& #39;re not alright I needed to come in here with you"
(for all you wondering yes she is a real 1 for sure 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💖" title="Funkelndes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Funkelndes Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💖" title="Funkelndes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Funkelndes Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💖" title="Funkelndes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Funkelndes Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💖" title="Funkelndes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Funkelndes Herz">), I was like "what if we find out that it& #39;s true??" And we just kind of looked at each other. She knew I loved him so much, she wasn& #39;t as big of a fan as I was but she loved him too. She calmed me down and said -
"it may not be true are you alright do we need to cancel everything" and I& #39;m like "noooo let& #39;s not cancel anything, besides I& #39;m pretty sure this is all just a rumor". She& #39;s like "tell you what, keep drinking" (I was already really buzzed, I always say God did this for a reason)
And then we met our group of friends and went bowling and had fun, people were bringing it up and I would shut them down so fast that it was a rumor and it wasn& #39;t true. And I know my friend was like "shhhh please don& #39;t talk about it she& #39;s not gonna be able to de right now"
And she was right, I was holding onto denial, I had to keep being fun and bubbly, I was hanging out with friends I hadn& #39;t seen in a while and I was trying to keep telling myself it was all wrong.
I still remember my friend dropping me off, I was drunk, I got ready for bed -
I still remember my friend dropping me off, I was drunk, I got ready for bed -
- really fast, I still remember the exact way I felt, laying in my bed and closing my eyes and saying to myself, tomorrow I& #39;m going to wake up and everything is going to be completely different.... That was the moment I felt my heart start to shatter.
And I remember opening my eyes the next morning, making my way into the living room and turning on the TV already knowing what I was about to see. And I laid there and cried. And honestly, I did that for weeks. When I say that it broke my heart, I really mean it.
I feel like some people do not understand why we feel so strongly about this. To be honest there& #39;s really no way to make "sense" for the "logic" people are seeking, it& #39;s just that we really really love somebody who has been in our lives and we& #39;ve felt connected to since forever.
I love him so much.
