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I think I tell this story every year, but when I heard the news I was out at a restaurant drinking with my friends, I said outloud "wow that's two MJ songs back to back" and our waiter comes around and says "I just put in some dollars on the machine, gotta play it in his honor"
And I was like, "in his honor?? What do you mean??" And he told me it was on the news he passed away.... I instantly just like went into shock, I yelled at him tbh, I told him "no, that's not true, you're wrong!! It was Farrah Fawcett!!" And he's like "I knowww but it's true"
And I was like "no it's not, it's NOT true." And he honestly felt bad for me he was like "I'm so sad too" and I was so confused and I couldn't process it and I picked up the phone immediately and called my dad, I said "I don't know that's what people are saying, I'm sad...."
He only talked for a minute I can't remember why, then I called my mom and she was like "I haven't heard that yet, you're right maybe it's wrong.. maybe you'll hear that it's wrong" and I'm like "I know, it can't be true" but she sounded also like.. She was trying to keep me calm
I talked to my friend across the table for a minute and I was like "it's just not true so I don't know why everybody thinks it is.." and a few min passed and I was like "hold on I just have to run to the bathroom", I ran to the bathroom and felt like I was gonna puke tbh..
I remember I just went in there and stood at the sink and stared down because I didn't want to believe it was true I was in such shock, then I started to cry, and then my friend came right on the bathroom and was like "I know you're not alright I needed to come in here with you"
(for all you wondering yes she is a real 1 for sure 
), I was like "what if we find out that it's true??" And we just kind of looked at each other. She knew I loved him so much, she wasn't as big of a fan as I was but she loved him too. She calmed me down and said -
), I was like "what if we find out that it's true??" And we just kind of looked at each other. She knew I loved him so much, she wasn't as big of a fan as I was but she loved him too. She calmed me down and said -
"it may not be true are you alright do we need to cancel everything" and I'm like "noooo let's not cancel anything, besides I'm pretty sure this is all just a rumor". She's like "tell you what, keep drinking" (I was already really buzzed, I always say God did this for a reason)
And then we met our group of friends and went bowling and had fun, people were bringing it up and I would shut them down so fast that it was a rumor and it wasn't true. And I know my friend was like "shhhh please don't talk about it she's not gonna be able to de right now"
And she was right, I was holding onto denial, I had to keep being fun and bubbly, I was hanging out with friends I hadn't seen in a while and I was trying to keep telling myself it was all wrong.
I still remember my friend dropping me off, I was drunk, I got ready for bed -
I still remember my friend dropping me off, I was drunk, I got ready for bed -
- really fast, I still remember the exact way I felt, laying in my bed and closing my eyes and saying to myself, tomorrow I'm going to wake up and everything is going to be completely different.... That was the moment I felt my heart start to shatter.
And I remember opening my eyes the next morning, making my way into the living room and turning on the TV already knowing what I was about to see. And I laid there and cried. And honestly, I did that for weeks. When I say that it broke my heart, I really mean it.
I feel like some people do not understand why we feel so strongly about this. To be honest there's really no way to make "sense" for the "logic" people are seeking, it's just that we really really love somebody who has been in our lives and we've felt connected to since forever.
I love him so much.
