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I see my friends telling their stories, so perhaps I should share some of my own. I am often open, but there is no end to them. They just seem so tiringly common. These are why I have so little tolerance even for "jokes."
CW; sexism, abuse, threats of violence, rape
CW; sexism, abuse, threats of violence, rape
My first D&D game with my brother and his friends, I bartered my way into the party with art because I wanted to play. They begrudgingly allowed me after first denying me. My character was groped in a dungeon. Another player was "raped by AIDS monkeys." I was ~14, they were ~16.
The game store we used to hang out at had a skeezy owner. He made lewd comments about me all the time. I remember a comment about how he found it attractive that I'd get fired up and angry when I was treated unfairly. He made some gross comment about me and my BF when I was 17.
THE OWNER showed me an 18+ module that was all about sex and fetishes, both consensual and non-con, gamified into a TTRP system. I WAS UNDERAGE.
That store was later closed after several sexual harassment charges from his former employees.
That store was later closed after several sexual harassment charges from his former employees.
It is not uncommon for a table full of players to tell me to whore out my character when we get to town so the party can have more gold.
This and other in-game sexisms from players and NPCs is why I now tend to roll men rather than women.
This and other in-game sexisms from players and NPCs is why I now tend to roll men rather than women.
Sexist and demeaning comments are so common, I remember creating my screen name specifically to be ungendered, and to carry a feeling of power. Before I started streaming and showing my face, I was always assumed male. I never corrected them, & I was never questioned.
When I first appeared on Boyks' streams, it took months to get his community to stop assuming I was someone's girlfriend. Hell, I had to tell Boyks himself 'no' when HE assumed I was his girlfriend. No one asked my opinion.
My first GDQ, I witnessed a roommate (she must have changed her name, because her old one is now someone else) serve a pro gamer drinks and practically crawl on his lap trying to get him to let her make his channel art. This should never be considered "networking."
Same GDQ, a dude sat next to me in the stream room and asked for all of my social information. GDQ is incredibly social so I didn't think much of it until he started asking oddly specific questions and kept showing me pictures on his phone.
Thankfully the other friends I'd made encouraged me to report it. I wasn't going to say anything because I thought he was just awkward and didn't want to start trouble. Turns out there were already several reports about him. He ended up banned from the event.
Same GDQ, the last Sunday, a stranger kept asking me for hugs. I tolerated it because the GDQ crowd was generally friendly and a lot less creepy than most gatherings I'd been to. I put my foot down when he pressed his dick against my thigh. Never saw him again.
When I broke up with one ex, his friend threatened to send someone to kill me. Had I not been working at a high-security facility at the time, I would have been scared for my life. Thankfully nothing seemed to come of it.
My first serious relationship I ended up the victim of narcissistic abuse. I heard every redpill, incel, and anti-feminist talking point as he fell down the hole of internet radicalization. It took me years to recover. Gamerg*te tore those wounds open a second time.
Beta testing Sea of Thieves, I was CAPTAINING a ship of four - I taught them how to sail from my real world experience. We passed another ship in PVP, close enough we could hear each others' mics, and as I'm giving commands to open fire I hear "THEY HAVE A GIRL"
I remember curtly denying a random's request that I take my glasses off on stream. Trolls racing to get banned have asked to see my boobs or vagina on camera. Being a woman on Twitch, your skill and intentions are always questioned.
I met Adam Koebel at PAX West at a panel about marginalized streamers as I was starting my channel. I questioned how to get help from Twitch if you are targeted as a small streamer, as I watched a friend get stalked and Twitch slowtrack her requests for help.
I was advised we'd talk after, since Twitch representatives were in the room. I was also advised I'd need to make a Partnered friend who could speak up for me or message their liaison to get faster help or action.
As we see recently, even this isn't enough.
As we see recently, even this isn't enough.
I am a stubborn woman and stand up for myself often, but it is soul crushing when standing up for yourself is met with "it's just a joke, lighten up" or "if you don't like it, leave," and to turn to people you thought were friends only to be met with *silence.*
This is why I have little tolerance for these "jokes" and their excuses. Invalidating and demeaning my existence is not funny.
They want us to be silent. We cannot be silent.
They want us to be silent. We cannot be silent.
To my community; each one of you is invaluable. I do my best to foster a safe community and to turn away unsavory company before it gets settled, sometimes before they even arrive, but it truly takes a whole community to keep everyone safe. Always speak. Thank you. 
