I’m having a lot of feelings tonight about my assailant and I’m still so angry even two years later. He violated me, my university punished me, the police ignored me. Does he have any idea how much I have to carry with me because of that???

Answer: no he doesn’t. He got a slap on the wrist from our university—the exact punishment I got, actually, even though he actually committed a crime—and he’s still with his fiancée who he was engaged to at the time. He has no idea what he did to me

Not only did I lose an entire semester worth of classes, but even after I got my suspension overturned I was terrified every time I set foot on campus. Terrified to see him, terrified to see everyone else who was there that night who took his side

The night after it happened he asked me to meet him outside to talk—to hear his side of it. I went, mostly because I wanted to know what kind of dumb excuse he’d come up with. I wasn’t prepared for him to tell me his whole life story, to cry, to try to make me feel bad for him

He told me how much he loved his fiancée and he’d do anything for her. He said he didn’t know why he did was he did but that he was too tired to realize what he was doing. He asked me to not report it, to not tell his fiancée.

Does he have any idea how much that conversation WRECKED me? Probably, I think that was the point. I hated him, but his stupid fucking sob story made me feel bad for him. Made me feel guilty for reporting him. He tried to paint it like I was asking for it and he didn’t mean to

After I ballsed up and reported him he went to our bishop and made sure he heard his side of the story first. He told our bishop I’d been drinking (forgot to mention that EVERYONE except him had) and that it was consensual.

By the time my bishop called me in his mind was already made up. He told me that C****** “seemed repentant and humble” but that I “appeared bitter and resentful” and so decided that I was at fault.

Bishop told me that he was hopeful that C****** would still be able to get married in the temple in a month. Said he’d work with him to make that happen. Meanwhile revoked my endorsement during finals week and suspended me for three semesters.

If my bishop had had his way, C****** would have stayed in school. Thankfully Title IX found him responsible and he was suspended too. For the same amount of time as me. When all I was guilty of was legally drinking, and he sexually assaulted me. Same punishment.

I shouldn’t have been suspended at all. When I reported to Title IX they told me I’d have immunity for honor code violations that night. They didn’t mention that this didn’t apply to ecclesiastical endorsement. If I’d known I wasn’t protected, I wouldn’t have reported it at all

This is all just backstory. This thread isn’t about what happened, it’s about what I’ve dealt with since then. But this is all necessary foundation for how badly it fucked me