I know these people. They run in my circles, they've been friends to me.

But I also saw this argument Wendy is describing start and what I witnessed, while not the entirety, was infuriating.

I know nobody's first impulse when they feel kink-shamed is to be chill but damn, y'all https://twitter.com/thewenchworks/status/1275480520303001601

When I got the news a few months later that Wendy straight up left after this argument, some things became apparent to me:

I failed to keep showing up & engaging @ a crucial time for my friend

Also our community still does racist-ass bullshit even if race isn't the topic.

That argument was a shitstorm. I think many folx showed more of their ass than realized or intended.

CW: CSA CGL DDLG...

Many of us who have endured CSA and been active in CGL/DDLG had a lot to say.

As a community, lots of kinky ppl struggle to be kink critical & still sex-pos

And being sex or kink critical doesn't inherently mean we don't do x act (or that we do), or that we think everyone should or shouldn't.

This discussion got out of hand really fast because a lot of CGL enthusiasts felt shamed and rushed to argue and tone police.

What feeling shamed doesn't excuse is a bunch of white people, esp popular yt ppl, dogpiling a Black woman still new in our community & insisting she has no idea what she's talking about until she leaves.

JFC.

CW: CSA CGL DDLG... ...

PSA: Nobody's CSA or other trauma is more valid than anyone's else.

CW: CSA CGL DDLG... ...

PSA: Your positive relationships with DDLG don't erase other peoples' negative or critical experiences or thoughts about it.

Even if it helped cope with your CSA but hurts theirs.

They're still allowed to share their own thoughts and feelings.

I feel like those shouldn't need to be PSAs, but y'all are my pals and that shit was handled WRONG.

and we, white bloggers, ain't actin' right the longer we use our platforms and whiteness to silence Black voices.

The issue here is how the community handled it

Instead of having this discussion & going away mad my yt cohorts acted shitty enough a Black woman felt she had to leave this community because it's not filled with yt allies, just yt assholes

She's not the only one.

That's wrong!

We seriously cannot keep this shit up, y'all realize the "white blogging elite look" creates more barriers than new bloggers, right?

It's not just a bad look, it's unethical as shit.

If we keep running out BIPoC bloggers then it's only going to be a circlejerk of people doing white feminism, which is only good for yt fee-fees and yt wallets, not actual justice on any level.

So!

Are you a white blogger who fucked up?

I'll proofread your apology so you don't sound like a twat.

I'll listen to your hurt feelings so you needn't fill the tweether with them and look like an ass RN.

We all fuck up.

I fuck up! I've fucked up!
Conjugate it as you please.

If you're a BIPoC blogger and you want a white person w 9 yrs seniority to call another white blogger in about racist conduct bc you didn't feel safe calling it out

you are welcome to come to me.

I'll DM anybody I can who hasn't blocked me.

My DMs have been open for years, any of you are welcome to slide in and tell me who to correct.

Everything in my life takes a while but I'll do what I can, when I can.

If you're another blogger willing to help correct your white friends, you're welcome to reply + say so.

I'm willing to mediate to a degree if you need a referee, but I'm not "unbiased" per se bc I'm well aware of how privilege affects the behavior of veteran bloggers

and so I tend to analyze w the people who don't have thousands of sycophants to defend them if it goes public.

And if you're a blogger who wants to focus on being accountable, apologetic, and genuinely behaving as an ally to the Black community

Instead of focusing on performative allyship and damage control after this

I'll work with you to do better and figure out where to go next.

But change is either gonna come, or y'all are gonna end up circlejerking alone while the rest of us move to genuinely inclusive communities.

(Because y'all are also still garbage at trans rights, don't fucking @ me, just do the fucking work, I've spelled this out for y'all)

Also, if I've fucked up and you see it? Tell me so I can fix my shit and apologize. I'd like nothing better.