I avoided the topic of pronouns for a while, but when my new book was coming out, it seemed I had to make a decision about self-presentation. I am trans*, nonbinary, so I asked to be referred to as "they." It's been an instructive few weeks.

Several reviewers have either referred to me as "they" or avoided pronouns altogether - even better, I'd totally use "Gessen" as my pronoun all the time. A few places either didn't notice or intentionally ignored my preferred pronoun and used "she."

One journalist interviewed me, then informed me that when he sat down to write the piece, he discovered that "they" was unwieldy, so he switched to "she." Grammar gripers have tweeted at me and reviewers that the work is good but the pronoun sucks.

Which made me realize: it is possible to believe that you respect an author's work while explicitly disrespecting them - to think that what I write about autocracy is serious but what I say about myself is folly. That's not how respect works.

Today I got an email that reminded me why this is important. Quoting with the writer's permission: "My background did not prepare me for my own child being gender queer. Let alone non-binary, agender, polysexual. I have come a long way in the last year and a half. I even get my..

"...pronouns correct much of the time! My biggest remaining fear has been how will they find a place (hopefully one that is safe) for themselves in this world. Seeing how you have been accepted and the successes you have achieved, has given me hope." If this woman can use the...

...singular "they," and @MerriamWebster can use the singular "they," then so can the rest of you guardians of house style and good taste