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Cw: Abuse / Outing Abuser
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When I was 18 I was in this huge friend group but we had this one 23 ur old friend who would hang with us and buy us beer. They were like the coolest of the cool and had really really strong morals so everyone looked up to them including me (1/?)
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When I was 18 I was in this huge friend group but we had this one 23 ur old friend who would hang with us and buy us beer. They were like the coolest of the cool and had really really strong morals so everyone looked up to them including me (1/?)
I had just accepted myself as queer and non-binary and still tryna find my bearings but really really looked up to them and when they told me I was cute I was hype. Like, why would they like me? At a Halo tourney/party we kissed and fooled around in their car. It was a dream(2/?)
It was really heavenly at first. I hadn& #39;t really had a lot of sex before then so it was like a really special experience for me. Then when I tried to be romantic after they would call me a creep and go out of their way not to touch me. (3/?)
A big turn was when they got aroused would say "now, look what you did" and I really carried that weight for a long while. At parties, they would dismiss me or not even talk to me at all. I just wanted to spend time with them so I thought it was my fault. (4/?)
I would get really drunk and even one time told them I didn& #39;t need a ride home anymore and would just find someone else. During our friend hangs they would be absolutely awful to me for no reason. Being the butt of a joke or roll their eyes at me. (5/?)
They would belittle me in front of all our friends and people and myself would just laugh and then later text me "C& #39;mere" and then when we were alone would treat me so so nicely. So, I felt that this was just how it was. This now had been 2 years. (6/?)
They kept talking about how an*l was so amazing and I was like I& #39;ll try it for u but it HURT so bad I had to stop. But then the next time they were like "it& #39;s too bad we can& #39;t do it cause you said it hurts too bad :/" and kept bringing it up so I said ok I& #39;ll try again (7/?)
After we had an*l I didn& #39;t know what to do so some c*m dripped down and the next 2 months was me experiencing my very first pregnancy scare 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đ" title="Erleichtertes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Erleichtertes Gesicht"> when I was nervous about it they said "it& #39;s gunna be fine right? Cause I hate kids" so I never told them I was terrified (8/?)
I finally reached out to two close friends who helped me ste*l a test and it came back negative in a subway bathroom. I wrote on the wall & #39;I relieved myself in this stall& #39;. Lmao. (9/?)
I was obsessed that the reason they were mean to me was all my fault so I went out of my way to like things they liked, buy food for them, try really hard at sex, even started walking like them, I would do anything to get in their good graces. (10/?)
I finally talked to the people in the group like & #39;why are they treating me this way?& #39; and they would actually defend them, I started getting cast out. I was labeled as annoying. And, I was!! I was fucking annoying! (11/?)
One that stood out was a friend said "yeah I have noticed that they are treating you p awful" like holy shit thank God it& #39;s not just me. But then said "they have treated you wrongly. But them and I have always always gotten along" and I carry that with me to this day. (12/?)
I chose to go to a different c.c. and college than my friends went to because I started to realize that these people weren& #39;t really my friends. It was a social status thing fer sure but I wanted to be a part of it so badly. Met people like Liam and Marilyn & was like wowhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="âŁïž" title="Herz Ausrufezeichen" aria-label="Emoji: Herz Ausrufezeichen">(13/?)
During C.C. they would hit me up and I obliged but I hated every second with them and couldn& #39;t perform. It was also during this time that I met Michael and he was worse than this person but that& #39;s a story for another day. (14/?)
Turning 23 was a big year for me cause I kept thinking about not having the capability to flirt with someone 5 years younger than me. It was also my lash out year processing how they could do that to me and I& #39;m so sorry to those who were affected by me during that time. (15/16)
