If you're posting that pledge thing and are like "I will intervene."

Do you even know what it looks like when a person is being groomed? Or when a person is uncomfortable with a sexual comment?

Do you know how to handle it responsibly? Who do you talk to when you see it happen: grooming, versus assault, versus harassment? Do you know how to approach a victim without upsetting or overwhelming them? Do you know how to discern which type of comfort they need?

Do you know how to de-escalate a confrontation with a violent instigator, so nobody else gets hurt or further traumatized? How are you providing protection for the victim while you confront their abuser in real time? Can you keep calm so you can give a police report?

How often do you go to therapy? Where else is toxic masculinity and patriarchy infecting your life, your friendships? How are you dealing with loneliness? Who is your support system when you start fully confronting your traumas and totally fall apart for a bit?

Are you addressing your mental illnesses or neurotype? Do you feel like you can't control yourself, get upset easily, forget, have a warped self-image? Are you seeking treatment, medication, support networks, information about these things, voraciously, as if life depends on it?

How else has patriarchy hurt you? When has it made you feel small, helpless, worthless? How are you balancing your self-image with the evidence of how other people see you? What is your internal dialogue about your own masculinity, power-- does it match up with your values?

How have other men hurt you in life - your fathers, your brothers, your mentors? How do you wish they had treated you? What is your very first step to treating others - and yourself - better?

Stop declaring things. Start asking questions.

Some of you may have been pressured into posting this even though you felt it was icky and I LEGITIMATELY sympathize with you on that. Please trust your gut when something seems off - I promise, it's a really, really good instinct to nurture.

Feeling like a hero is short-term, conditional. If you do the internal work to start feeling in control, secure, and loved, that reward is internal, self-replicating and long-term. You DO need external validation during that process, but from an inner circle...not the web.

it's been an exhausting day so I'm muting & logging off. Please donate to The Okra Project, which provides direct support to black trans and gnc people. https://twitter.com/TheOkraProject/status/1274409280553312257?s=20