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"hey, kenma!"
kuroo& #39;s voice was bright, exuberant, mischievous as he peered over the magazine at kenma. kenma had braced himself for kuroo& #39;s next words, which ended up being, "do you think she& #39;s pretty?"
kenma& #39;d glanced over at the magazine page kuroo was showing him.
kuroo& #39;s voice was bright, exuberant, mischievous as he peered over the magazine at kenma. kenma had braced himself for kuroo& #39;s next words, which ended up being, "do you think she& #39;s pretty?"
kenma& #39;d glanced over at the magazine page kuroo was showing him.
the girl on it was, speaking objectively, probably very attractive. only kenma wasn& #39;t really interested - though he knew he should be.
"yeah, i guess so," kenma said, suddenly aware that kuroo was waiting for an answer.
"i think so too," kuroo& #39;d said proudly. "i like long hair!"
"yeah, i guess so," kenma said, suddenly aware that kuroo was waiting for an answer.
"i think so too," kuroo& #39;d said proudly. "i like long hair!"
the girl& #39;s hair really was very long, down past her shoulders, kenma had thought. and that was the first time that kenma had figured that out about kuroo: that he likes long hair.
the memory pops back into his mind as he stares at his reflection in the mirror.
the memory pops back into his mind as he stares at his reflection in the mirror.
he& #39;d realized he was in love with kuroo seven years ago. seven years ago, when he& #39;d looked over at kuroo by his side as they walked home together and felt a funny feeling in his chest. he& #39;d realized that he wanted kuroo to be closer to him, that he never wanted kuroo to leave.
but he hadn& #39;t known how to voice this to kuroo, and mostly, he hadn& #39;t thought that kuroo felt the same way about him. so he& #39;d just kept quiet, content in the knowledge that they were best friends, at least. that he was still the most important person in kuroo& #39;s life, at least.
but two years ago, kuroo had showed up with a girl by his side and introduced her to kenma as his girlfriend. her hair was long - longer than kenma& #39;s by a mile, and kenma had felt the sting of rejection deep in his heart.
he& #39;d faked a smile for kuroo, though. he always would.
he& #39;d faked a smile for kuroo, though. he always would.
he& #39;d thought that maybe if he grew his hair out longer, that it& #39;d be enough. that one day kuroo would see him as more than just his childhood best friend that he bickered with and harassed to eat more food. but he didn& #39;t dare say anything to kuroo about it. he just... hoped.
and he& #39;d kept hoping, up until yesterday when kuroo had come to his house, a broad smile on his face. "i think i& #39;m gonna propose," he& #39;d confessed, his voice soft and quiet, and kenma felt sick.
"i pity the woman who& #39;s stuck with you for the rest of his life," kenma& #39;d said.
"i pity the woman who& #39;s stuck with you for the rest of his life," kenma& #39;d said.
"do you really mean that?!"
kenma& #39;d sagged a little bit, trying his best to force a smile. "no. of course not. anyone would be lucky to have you or whatever."
"kenmaaa," kuroo had crowed, barreling forwards to wrap his arms around kenma.
kenma loved and hated every second of it.
kenma& #39;d sagged a little bit, trying his best to force a smile. "no. of course not. anyone would be lucky to have you or whatever."
"kenmaaa," kuroo had crowed, barreling forwards to wrap his arms around kenma.
kenma loved and hated every second of it.
he holds the scissors tighter in his grip. he doesn& #39;t know how to cut hair exactly, but he knows that he wants his hair gone. he wants all of these feelings gone - swirling down the drain, just like the water running in front of him.
but then his phone rings.
but then his phone rings.
"kuro" flashes across the screen. he bites his lip, then elects to ignore the call. it& #39;s not worth it, he tells himself. it& #39;s probably kuroo calling to tell him more proposal plans. and he& #39;s not sure he could handle that right now.
so he presses the "reject call" button.
so he presses the "reject call" button.
not five seconds later, though, another call comes in. when he hangs up on that one, in comes another. he groans. kuroo is stubborn to a fault, and he knows the calls won& #39;t stop until he answers. so, finally, he accepts the call. "what do you want?" he grumbles.
"i& #39;m having a crisis," kuroo replies.
"and? what do you want me to do about it?" kenma asks. "also, why are you bombarding me with calls? what if i was busy?"
"i know you," kuroo answers. "if you& #39;d actually been busy, you would& #39;ve sent me a text to tell me. so... you& #39;re not."
"and? what do you want me to do about it?" kenma asks. "also, why are you bombarding me with calls? what if i was busy?"
"i know you," kuroo answers. "if you& #39;d actually been busy, you would& #39;ve sent me a text to tell me. so... you& #39;re not."
stupid kuroo that knows him too well. he sighs. "what is it, then."
"i don& #39;t know," kuroo says. it& #39;s just that... well, how do you know if you& #39;re ready to get married?"
"kuro. why are you asking me this? how would i know?"
"yesterday, i thought i was ready," he says slowly.
"i don& #39;t know," kuroo says. it& #39;s just that... well, how do you know if you& #39;re ready to get married?"
"kuro. why are you asking me this? how would i know?"
"yesterday, i thought i was ready," he says slowly.
"but i keep thinking about it. and i love her - i really do. but i don& #39;t know if... i mean, we& #39;re still young, right? is this really the right thing to do?"
kenma inhales.
he could be an asshole. he could be selfish; he could tell kuroo not to propose, that it& #39;s a bad idea.
kenma inhales.
he could be an asshole. he could be selfish; he could tell kuroo not to propose, that it& #39;s a bad idea.
but he can& #39;t - he won& #39;t - do that to kuroo.
"if you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her, then you should," kenma says flatly. "don& #39;t talk yourself out of it out of fear."
there& #39;s silence on the other end for a second. "you& #39;re right," kuroo says.
"if you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her, then you should," kenma says flatly. "don& #39;t talk yourself out of it out of fear."
there& #39;s silence on the other end for a second. "you& #39;re right," kuroo says.
days pass, then weeks. kuroo doesn& #39;t really bring it up again, except to show kenma the ring he& #39;s picked up. kenma tries to keep a straight face as he says it& #39;s beautiful, even though he personally thinks it& #39;s a little gaudy for his tastes. kuroo can probably tell, though.
and then kuroo shows up at his door - the night he& #39;s supposed to propose to his girlfriend.
"kuro," he says, raising an eyebrow. "what are you doing here?"
"she said no," kuroo says, his tone hollow. "she... said no."
he doesn& #39;t hesitate before he lets kuroo in.
"kuro," he says, raising an eyebrow. "what are you doing here?"
"she said no," kuroo says, his tone hollow. "she... said no."
he doesn& #39;t hesitate before he lets kuroo in.
kuroo doesn& #39;t say a lot about it. he doesn& #39;t say a lot that night in general, though, but shockingly, he doesn& #39;t cry either. he lays on his back and stares at the ceiling, and kenma& #39;s chest aches.
as much as he hadn& #39;t wanted kuroo to get married, he hadn& #39;t wanted /this/ either.
as much as he hadn& #39;t wanted kuroo to get married, he hadn& #39;t wanted /this/ either.
that night is the worst of it. slowly, from there, kuroo begins to rebuild: his smiles coming back little by little as the days pass. one day, kenma decides to mention his idea.
"i& #39;m thinking about cutting my hair."
kuroo shoots up from where he& #39;s lying on the sofa, eyes big.
"i& #39;m thinking about cutting my hair."
kuroo shoots up from where he& #39;s lying on the sofa, eyes big.
"cutting your hair?!" he asks frantically. "why?!"
"i dunno," kenma says with a shrug. "i just want a change, i guess."
"but it& #39;s so long," kuroo says. his hand comes up to drift over a strand on kenma& #39;s cheek, soft and gentle, and kenma swallows. what the hell?!
"i dunno," kenma says with a shrug. "i just want a change, i guess."
"but it& #39;s so long," kuroo says. his hand comes up to drift over a strand on kenma& #39;s cheek, soft and gentle, and kenma swallows. what the hell?!
"what are you doing?"
kuroo jerks his hand back. "sorry," he says, his gaze falling down to the ground. "i just... sorry. i shouldn& #39;t have, i was just being stupid -"
"kuro," kenma says, cutting him off.
kuroo has always been incredibly obvious, now more than ever.
kuroo jerks his hand back. "sorry," he says, his gaze falling down to the ground. "i just... sorry. i shouldn& #39;t have, i was just being stupid -"
"kuro," kenma says, cutting him off.
kuroo has always been incredibly obvious, now more than ever.
kenma inhales. "stop with the rambling. just tell me what the hell is going on."
kuroo glances down, his cheeks stained with pink - and is kenma dreaming? "you know why she said no?"
"no."
"she said no," kuroo says, "because she thinks - no, she knows that i& #39;m in love with you."
kuroo glances down, his cheeks stained with pink - and is kenma dreaming? "you know why she said no?"
"no."
"she said no," kuroo says, "because she thinks - no, she knows that i& #39;m in love with you."
kenma& #39;s breath stops. and his heart stops too, or at least it feels like it does.
he pinches himself back into awareness. "what the hell are you saying? if you loved me, you wouldn& #39;t be trying to marry someone else. that& #39;s just stupid."
"i didn& #39;t think you loved me back!"
he pinches himself back into awareness. "what the hell are you saying? if you loved me, you wouldn& #39;t be trying to marry someone else. that& #39;s just stupid."
"i didn& #39;t think you loved me back!"
"i mean, you did try to tell me to marry her multiple times," kuroo says. "i thought that if you loved me, you& #39;d try and stop me. or at least that& #39;s what i told myself. and i did love her! i do, i just..."
"i told you to marry her because i thought you didn& #39;t love me."
"i told you to marry her because i thought you didn& #39;t love me."
kenma bites his lip before he continues. "all i wanted was for you to be happy. if she made you happy, then so be it. i could deal with it. but i didn& #39;t want you to marry her." he takes another pause before he chokes out the words. "i still don& #39;t."
"kenma," kuroo chokes out.
"kenma," kuroo chokes out.
