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Thread: The 48 Laws of Power, how narcissists use them, how to recognize them, and how to avoid being manipulated by them.
I'm getting the rough outline of each one from this slide, which I recommend you follow along: https://www.slideshare.net/dan_bell/48-laws-of-power-ppt
I'm getting the rough outline of each one from this slide, which I recommend you follow along: https://www.slideshare.net/dan_bell/48-laws-of-power-ppt
Before we start - I went through narcissistic abuse, I know how these things feel on my skin. I've spent countless hours researching narcissistic behavior and helping friends who've gone through it.
However, I do not claim to be a professional, so keep that in mind.
However, I do not claim to be a professional, so keep that in mind.
Also, it's important to understand what narcissistic behavior is.
Narcissists (hereby "Ns") are people who see themselves over others - people who think they're the center of the world. In general, Ns have to put others down to maintain this illusion.
Narcissists (hereby "Ns") are people who see themselves over others - people who think they're the center of the world. In general, Ns have to put others down to maintain this illusion.
A term commonly used for this is called "N-Supply" - as in, the power an N gains by abusing someone.
Instead of pushing themselves up, Ns will try to bring specific targets down so as to feel superior in comparison. They heal themselves by hurting you, this is the goal.
Instead of pushing themselves up, Ns will try to bring specific targets down so as to feel superior in comparison. They heal themselves by hurting you, this is the goal.
Here's some takeaway signs of an N:
- Constantly puts you down
- Is impossible to win an argument against
- Acts normal when other people are around
- Tries to isolate you from other people
- Tries to stop you from engaging in your hobbies
- Tries to break up your friendships
- Constantly puts you down
- Is impossible to win an argument against
- Acts normal when other people are around
- Tries to isolate you from other people
- Tries to stop you from engaging in your hobbies
- Tries to break up your friendships
If you feel you have an N in your life, I recommend thinking under what I call "The N Axiom":
"Anything an N does is done to empower themselves"
If you think backwards from that, you may be able to justify behaviors that otherwise were nonsensical. It helps unwrap the web.
"Anything an N does is done to empower themselves"
If you think backwards from that, you may be able to justify behaviors that otherwise were nonsensical. It helps unwrap the web.
eg:
- N tells you to do a thing they know you can't do.
- You tell them you can't do it.
- They have you do it anyway.
- You do it, and naturally fail.
- They get mad at you for doing it.
This is common pattern I saw with my dad. It's usually a way to bring out N-Supply.
- N tells you to do a thing they know you can't do.
- You tell them you can't do it.
- They have you do it anyway.
- You do it, and naturally fail.
- They get mad at you for doing it.
This is common pattern I saw with my dad. It's usually a way to bring out N-Supply.
Normally you'd just think this person is oblivious, or just happens to believe you can actually do it.
When you think with the axiom, you can think backwards from it to understand they're actively trying to create a situation where they can attack you to create n-supply.
When you think with the axiom, you can think backwards from it to understand they're actively trying to create a situation where they can attack you to create n-supply.
In the end of the day, narcissists want power.
Power allows them to abuse, which allows them to keep their illusion up.
Power is created through control, either physical or psychological. If you can make someone feel whatever you want, you can use them for your own advantage.
Power allows them to abuse, which allows them to keep their illusion up.
Power is created through control, either physical or psychological. If you can make someone feel whatever you want, you can use them for your own advantage.
Yes, narcissistic behavior is this nasty.
It never seems like it, and you best believe they'll try the absolute hardest to hide it and make you think otherwise.
My main tips are to remember the axiom, put everything in context, and deny them the reaction, deny the n-supply.
It never seems like it, and you best believe they'll try the absolute hardest to hide it and make you think otherwise.
My main tips are to remember the axiom, put everything in context, and deny them the reaction, deny the n-supply.
Intro done. Let's go.
#1: Never outshine the master
Ns often hide their true abilities to make themselves seem less capable than they are. This is so that it's less likely someone suspects they're abusers. Keep an eye on the difference between public and private behavior.
#1: Never outshine the master
Ns often hide their true abilities to make themselves seem less capable than they are. This is so that it's less likely someone suspects they're abusers. Keep an eye on the difference between public and private behavior.
#2: Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies
Not necessarily the context of the original, but Ns will always keep friends at arms length. Friends are tools to conceal the abuse. You may notice they'll talk well about you to people. It's all a smokescreen.
Not necessarily the context of the original, but Ns will always keep friends at arms length. Friends are tools to conceal the abuse. You may notice they'll talk well about you to people. It's all a smokescreen.
#3: Conceal your intentions
Very important - Ns will always pretend what they're doing is for your own good. They want to keep you doubting and thinking things are your fault.
Remember, control is key. The less you know, the more in control they are.
Very important - Ns will always pretend what they're doing is for your own good. They want to keep you doubting and thinking things are your fault.
Remember, control is key. The less you know, the more in control they are.
#4: Always say less than necessary
I don't think this one is super relevant here. This is, however, something that they may put on you. Often you'll be shamed for talking too much.
Talking about yourself is empowering. Power = bad, they want to strip that from you.
I don't think this one is super relevant here. This is, however, something that they may put on you. Often you'll be shamed for talking too much.
Talking about yourself is empowering. Power = bad, they want to strip that from you.
#5: Guard your reputation with your life
Regurgitating a previous point, but you'll find that Ns are incredibly self-aware, and will go out of their way to treat house guests, friends, etc, as well as they can.
The objective is to make your support group not believe you.
Regurgitating a previous point, but you'll find that Ns are incredibly self-aware, and will go out of their way to treat house guests, friends, etc, as well as they can.
The objective is to make your support group not believe you.
#6: Court attention at all cost
Ns will divert attention onto themselves as much as possible. They want to be the center of attention, they want to feel superior.
This often manifests itself as demeaning you and your own achievements as well, especially with mutual contacts.
Ns will divert attention onto themselves as much as possible. They want to be the center of attention, they want to feel superior.
This often manifests itself as demeaning you and your own achievements as well, especially with mutual contacts.
#7: Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit
Ns will often state that your achievements are only due to them, or their support.
This kills two birds with one stone, as it empowers them and brings you down at the same time. Be aware of it.
Ns will often state that your achievements are only due to them, or their support.
This kills two birds with one stone, as it empowers them and brings you down at the same time. Be aware of it.
#8: Make other people come to you, use bait if necessary
When in a shortage of N-supply, Ns will fabricate problems for you to solve. They'll then continuously change the goalposts, or deny any attempts from you to resolve.
Once again, the point is to put you down.
When in a shortage of N-supply, Ns will fabricate problems for you to solve. They'll then continuously change the goalposts, or deny any attempts from you to resolve.
Once again, the point is to put you down.
Skipping #9 and #10 as they aren't relevant.
#11: Learn to keep people dependent on you
Huge. Ns will try very hard to keep you tied to them. If you're tied to them, you can't escape, which means they can use you for N-supply as much as they want.
#11: Learn to keep people dependent on you
Huge. Ns will try very hard to keep you tied to them. If you're tied to them, you can't escape, which means they can use you for N-supply as much as they want.
Additionally, Ns will put your skills and trust in yourself down. You'll often hear you're not good enough to make it on your own, that no one else wants you, or that they're the only reason you're alive.
These are all manipulation tactics to keep you psychologically attached.
These are all manipulation tactics to keep you psychologically attached.
#12: Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim
Ns will often act supportive and nice - this either comes back to bite you as "I did that for you!" or simply to lower your guard to strike harder.
Remember the axiom, nothing is done out of generosity.
Ns will often act supportive and nice - this either comes back to bite you as "I did that for you!" or simply to lower your guard to strike harder.
Remember the axiom, nothing is done out of generosity.
#13: When asking for help, appeal to people's self interest, never to mercy or gratitude
Asking for help is weakness. Ns will instead make it seem so that their requests benefit you, so that you can never claim you did something for them.
Asking for help is weakness. Ns will instead make it seem so that their requests benefit you, so that you can never claim you did something for them.
#14: Pose as a friend, work as a spy
Ns will try to extract information to use it against you. You'll often see them requesting you be open and tell them your woes, which they may accept in the moment, but will always come back as fuel to hurt you. Avoid doing it.
Ns will try to extract information to use it against you. You'll often see them requesting you be open and tell them your woes, which they may accept in the moment, but will always come back as fuel to hurt you. Avoid doing it.
#15: Crush your enemy totally
Ns will work relentlessly to make sure you have no outs. If they see there's something bringing you joy, or that might put their abuse in cause, they'll immediately try to shun it, attack you for it, or stop you from doing it.
Ns will work relentlessly to make sure you have no outs. If they see there's something bringing you joy, or that might put their abuse in cause, they'll immediately try to shun it, attack you for it, or stop you from doing it.
Furthermore, they'll make it seem like that thing is bad for you, so that you yourself stop doing it.
Ns will never make themselves seem like the bad guy - instead they'll use skewed logic and gaslighting to make you believe what they're saying is right.
Ns will never make themselves seem like the bad guy - instead they'll use skewed logic and gaslighting to make you believe what they're saying is right.
#16: Use absense to increase respect and honor
Ns will attempt to take things away from you, specifically things they do for you, to try and keep you more emotionally indebted.
You may have an N refuse to cook or drive you somewhere, or just give you the silent treatment.
Ns will attempt to take things away from you, specifically things they do for you, to try and keep you more emotionally indebted.
You may have an N refuse to cook or drive you somewhere, or just give you the silent treatment.
#17: Keep others in suspended terror, cultivate an air of unpredictability
Ns will act seemingly randomly and with no pattern - this is by design. If you can predict what they'll do, you can protect yourself ahead of time.
Don't try to apply logic to N behavior, you'll fail.
Ns will act seemingly randomly and with no pattern - this is by design. If you can predict what they'll do, you can protect yourself ahead of time.
Don't try to apply logic to N behavior, you'll fail.
#18 - #20 are irrelevant
#21: Play a sucker to catch a sucker, seem dumber than your mark
Ns will often hand you a bone and let you have your way. Remember the axiom - this is done to keep you from suspecting abuse, and to keep you under control.
#21: Play a sucker to catch a sucker, seem dumber than your mark
Ns will often hand you a bone and let you have your way. Remember the axiom - this is done to keep you from suspecting abuse, and to keep you under control.
#22: Use the surrender tactic, transform weakness into power
Usually goes hand in hand with #21. Ns don't want you to win, if you win, you're empowered. They'll always twist in a way where it doesn't really seem like you won, even though you may have.
Usually goes hand in hand with #21. Ns don't want you to win, if you win, you're empowered. They'll always twist in a way where it doesn't really seem like you won, even though you may have.
#23 - #25 are irrelevant
#26: Keep your hands clean
Ns will rarely ever abuse you in public. Everything will happen in private, where nothing can be proven, and anything you say can be deemed a lie.
Their appearance is key, they want to have the cake and eat it.
#26: Keep your hands clean
Ns will rarely ever abuse you in public. Everything will happen in private, where nothing can be proven, and anything you say can be deemed a lie.
Their appearance is key, they want to have the cake and eat it.
#27 is irrelevant
#28: Enter action with boldness
An N's biggest tool is the fact they never doubt themselves. In reality, they do, but they don't show it.
If they present themselves to you as fully confident, anything they say will hit harder. Once again, manipulation.
#28: Enter action with boldness
An N's biggest tool is the fact they never doubt themselves. In reality, they do, but they don't show it.
If they present themselves to you as fully confident, anything they say will hit harder. Once again, manipulation.
#29: Plan all the way to the end
You best believe Ns have all the routes and possible answers you can give plotted out. They revel in control of any possible outcome of the situation.
Don't think you can outsmart an N. You're better off just denying the N-supply.
You best believe Ns have all the routes and possible answers you can give plotted out. They revel in control of any possible outcome of the situation.
Don't think you can outsmart an N. You're better off just denying the N-supply.
#30: Make your accomplishments seem effortless
Ns will constantly brag about what they did in life, often contrasting them to your achievements. This is done to raise an aura of superiority over you, and also to put your pride down.
Don't take anything they say at face value.
Ns will constantly brag about what they did in life, often contrasting them to your achievements. This is done to raise an aura of superiority over you, and also to put your pride down.
Don't take anything they say at face value.
#31: Control the options, get others to play with the cards you deal
Ns will often create an illusion of choice, where they'll limit your options. If an N gives you multiple options, they're generally both bad.
This is done to put the blame on you for picking wrong.
Ns will often create an illusion of choice, where they'll limit your options. If an N gives you multiple options, they're generally both bad.
This is done to put the blame on you for picking wrong.
#32: Play to people's fantasies
If there's something an N knows you want, they'll use it as a carrot on a stick to manipulate you.
They'll make it seem like the only way to get a thing is to follow their plan - then they'll dot their plan with mines for n-supply.
If there's something an N knows you want, they'll use it as a carrot on a stick to manipulate you.
They'll make it seem like the only way to get a thing is to follow their plan - then they'll dot their plan with mines for n-supply.
#33: Discover each man's thumbscrew
The more you open up to an N and let them know you, the more ammo you give them. Remember, they *want* to hurt you - the more of your insecurities they know, the more they'll prey on them.
Denying a reaction also helps prevent repeat abuse.
The more you open up to an N and let them know you, the more ammo you give them. Remember, they *want* to hurt you - the more of your insecurities they know, the more they'll prey on them.
Denying a reaction also helps prevent repeat abuse.
#34: Be royal in your own fashion, act like a king to be treated like one
You'll find that Ns have a tendency to dress and talk really well, at least in public.
They might also use this to harass your perceived lack of fashion in comparison to them.
You'll find that Ns have a tendency to dress and talk really well, at least in public.
They might also use this to harass your perceived lack of fashion in comparison to them.
#35: Master the art of timing
When you call out an N on something, they may tone down on that for a few days. This is the boiling a frog in increasingly hot water approach. They'll slowly ramp up the abuse.
Another tactic is to have no abuse periods followed by heavier abuse.
When you call out an N on something, they may tone down on that for a few days. This is the boiling a frog in increasingly hot water approach. They'll slowly ramp up the abuse.
Another tactic is to have no abuse periods followed by heavier abuse.
#36 is irrelevant
#37: Create compelling spectacles
Ns will massively exaggerate things to instill fear in you. If you do a minor mistake, they may come up with a hypothetical situation in which that mistake may ruin your entire life.
Be aware of slippery slopes.
#37: Create compelling spectacles
Ns will massively exaggerate things to instill fear in you. If you do a minor mistake, they may come up with a hypothetical situation in which that mistake may ruin your entire life.
Be aware of slippery slopes.
#38: Think as you like, but behave like others
Individuality is power. When you show yourself to be different from others, you're empowering yourselves. Ns will shoot you down if you attempt to break from the mold - to do that they must also fit the mold.
Individuality is power. When you show yourself to be different from others, you're empowering yourselves. Ns will shoot you down if you attempt to break from the mold - to do that they must also fit the mold.
#39: Stir up waters to catch fish
If fish is n-supply, this is a very common practice. Ns will make mountains out of molehills, or sometimes just a flat plane.
Even if the problem isn't there, just making you believe it is is enough to destabilize you for n-supply.
If fish is n-supply, this is a very common practice. Ns will make mountains out of molehills, or sometimes just a flat plane.
Even if the problem isn't there, just making you believe it is is enough to destabilize you for n-supply.
#40: Despise the free lunch
If you offer an N anything, they'll either not accept it, or make an excuse for why they didn't accept it.
If they admit they accepted a thing from you, that puts you in a position of mild power - and even mild power is too much for them.
If you offer an N anything, they'll either not accept it, or make an excuse for why they didn't accept it.
If they admit they accepted a thing from you, that puts you in a position of mild power - and even mild power is too much for them.
#41 - 42 are irrelevant
#43: Work on the hearts and minds of others
Psychological abuse is key, stockholm syndrome is extremely real.
Be aware if you ever feel yourself defending your abuser, this is a trap they laid for you. Have friends snap you out of it.
#43: Work on the hearts and minds of others
Psychological abuse is key, stockholm syndrome is extremely real.
Be aware if you ever feel yourself defending your abuser, this is a trap they laid for you. Have friends snap you out of it.
#44: Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect
Not exactly as it's applied in the original, but Ns will twist your words and actions *just enough* that you'll believe that's actually what you did, even though it wasn't - they then attack the skewed view. This is gaslighting.
Not exactly as it's applied in the original, but Ns will twist your words and actions *just enough* that you'll believe that's actually what you did, even though it wasn't - they then attack the skewed view. This is gaslighting.
#45 is irrelevant
#46: Never appear too perfect
Ns want their abusers to look up to them. There must be they can use to pull you in.
Showing a lack of humanity and no flaws whatsoever is a way to break that illusion - they'll show flaws, but no major ones.
#46: Never appear too perfect
Ns want their abusers to look up to them. There must be they can use to pull you in.
Showing a lack of humanity and no flaws whatsoever is a way to break that illusion - they'll show flaws, but no major ones.
#47: Do not go past the mark you aimed for, in victory, learn when to stop
Ns may start giving you a break immediately after it's clear you've already been broken by whatever the abuse was.
This is usually a way to manipulate you to believe things "weren't that bad".
Ns may start giving you a break immediately after it's clear you've already been broken by whatever the abuse was.
This is usually a way to manipulate you to believe things "weren't that bad".
#48: Assume formlessness
Ns constantly changing what they want and what their views are prevents the abused from raising up barriers to those.
Be prepared to be hit from any angle, in any way you'll never expect. Don't focus on raising specific barriers, as they're ineffective.
Ns constantly changing what they want and what their views are prevents the abused from raising up barriers to those.
Be prepared to be hit from any angle, in any way you'll never expect. Don't focus on raising specific barriers, as they're ineffective.
And that's it.
I skipped some because, while applied in general life, I couldn't find a great tie for narcissist abuse.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, make sure to build a good support system - friends that keep reminding you this is not okay are crucial.
I skipped some because, while applied in general life, I couldn't find a great tie for narcissist abuse.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, make sure to build a good support system - friends that keep reminding you this is not okay are crucial.
As to how to safeguard yourself - know you'll never be able to stop the N unless you escape.
Until you can escape, make small preparations to do so behind the scenes, and deny as much N-supply as you can, bottle your emotions in front of them, look up the Grey Rock Method.
Until you can escape, make small preparations to do so behind the scenes, and deny as much N-supply as you can, bottle your emotions in front of them, look up the Grey Rock Method.
When faced with a behavior you found suspicious, think of it from the axiom, and using what you know, try to understand how it's used to hurt you.
Hopefully this thread was helpful. If you have any questions please let me know, I'll try my best to answer anything.
Hopefully this thread was helpful. If you have any questions please let me know, I'll try my best to answer anything.
