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As someone who was groomed and sexually assaulted; I know how bad men can get.
As someone who had their reputation ruined for speaking out against a predator in the comedy community; I know why people don’t speak up when they see abusive or predatory behaviour.
As someone who had their reputation ruined for speaking out against a predator in the comedy community; I know why people don’t speak up when they see abusive or predatory behaviour.
I share this because I hate seeing men defending their “friends” for what? Stage time? During a time where stage time is nonexistent?
Most people in comedy are selfish, and will negate and justify horrific behaviour for a bit of exposure. Because it’s all we have as comics.
Most people in comedy are selfish, and will negate and justify horrific behaviour for a bit of exposure. Because it’s all we have as comics.
Comics know that, if good people refuse to do shows with problematic or abusive people, there are comics who are more than happy to take their place.
People want power, and it’s often give to the people selfish enough to suppress their morals because “that’s how it is”.
People want power, and it’s often give to the people selfish enough to suppress their morals because “that’s how it is”.
Am I a lot more inclined to believe woman who come forward because of my experience? Absolutely.
Did I have to go through years of trauma to get to that place? No.
But my experience showed me that people who speak out have everything to lose. And predators are ultimately fine.
Did I have to go through years of trauma to get to that place? No.
But my experience showed me that people who speak out have everything to lose. And predators are ultimately fine.
I’ve experienced how one person with power can single handedly take away years of work away from you. I’ve lost friends, I’ve lost gigs, a lot of people don’t like me. And a lot of it can be traced back to this person.
I’ve also experienced how one person who has so much power over you can take what they want. How they can manipulate you into things that, looking back now, I’m disgusted by. I’ve also experienced people discounting and devaluing my experience because I was “19”.
I know that predators will happily wait until you’ve hit over the age of consent to start making moves, and how they’ve built up your trust for years just to take advantage of it. They’ll justify this behaviour to themselves. blame you for “wanting it” just as much as they did.
It’s not just woman who experience this. As a gay comic, I’ve had men who are interested in my befriend me, give me stage time, insert themselves in my life. Then the minute I won’t sleep with them, cut me out of their lives, because they never respected me.
I know that men are the minority in this conversation, even though it does happen to us. But in an industry dominated by straight people, I constantly see talent woman trying to succeed in a system that only see their sexual worth, and not their talent.
So yeah, fuck Chris D’Elia, fuck Joey Diaz, fuck Joe Rogan, and fuck anyone who doesn’t believe people who come forward about predators. Especially during a time where it’s not “trendy” to hate them.
I quit performing regularly because of what I went through, and I know a lot of amazing comedians who have quit for the same reason.
We all need to do better.
We all need to do better.