I have not left the country for 1.5 years and stayed for 1 year in 2017 as well, skipping conferences (withdrew my poster), rejecting invitations to visit, forwent close friends' weddings, etc, all in fear of not being able to come back to my job in the US. (1/n)

All when I have already spent months and months to create 4 plans (STEM OPT, EB-2 NIW, J-1, marriage-based green card) in case something suddenly fall through. (2/n)

I am only able to plan my career year by year because everything in my life can be turned upside down after a year (and frankly before as well) by the adminstration with their fluctuating moods. There's no stability in my life and I have been living like this for 4 years. (3/n)

Do you know what it feels like to plan when you should marry based on Trump's moods? How about selecting postdoc position based on whether the school support your Visa application? Knowing there are everything to lose if you can't find a job within the grace period? (4/n)

Have you ever fight with your partner whether one of your careers should be nuked or your engagement should be cancelled when thinking about where to live if the green card gets rejected for birth certificate being in foreign forms? (5/n)

Try doing these all on top of the cute little stress from academia and job search when people could think you are slow just because you are lazy or incapable. Oh! And don't forget to add that you are a short Asian girl that is sexualized even in front of her own VSS poster. (6/n)

I feel like I am the Queen of Struggling, Lady of Crisis Alleviation. I wrote two books about this. Oh oops! Those are just my inch-thick green card application forms. They took me months, lawyer fees, and lots of helps from others. My dissertation took 3 weeks to write. (7/n)

And how long still I need to live like this? No one knows! Could be 1-5 years. Does that mean after 5 years I can live my life again? Oh, no, baby......If it reaches the fifth, it means I've lost and maybe have left my marriage and career behind. (8/n)

BTW I am collecting photos, receipts, bills, etc. in case it gets to the marriage green card plan. I have to be able to prove my marriage is real. Even having a child together doesn't guarantee it. (9/n)

And guess what? I am already really lucky to have all these "safety" nets available for my plans. Not everyone's fiance happens to be an American. Not everyone's PhD program is willing to change the name of your program so you are eligible for STEM OPT. (10/n)

I was able to find advisors willing to fund my postdoc positions. Without green card or citizenship, I have almost no funding I can apply to. Internationals are not advancing careers in the US as much, probably not because they are any less of a scientist than Americans. (11/n)

All these additional stress and time-consuming paper work and research into immigration rules, on top of my chronic Major Depressive Disorder since young, I consider myself performing amazing and am a real fine scholar. (12/n)

Can you imagine what we can do together if internationals' attention and time are released from those silly things? What would science be like? What would the US be like? Maybe it is worth actually making America great for once. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. (13/13)