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Realizing now the reason I struggle so much with confidence in my writing is that some of the first publishers that published my work, did it not because they loved my writing but because they thought I'd fuck them.
And the number of times men bought my books at conventions in the hopes that I would go out with them, kiss them or fuck them. The number of times other writers told me 'You can write whatever you want because people will buy your work with legs/ass/face like that'
I also struggle to post pictures of myself, or to feel that I'm allowed to dress nicely or sexily at conventions (when they happened) because that just meant I was doing exactly what those people said. Using my looks or my gender to sell books.
It plays havoc on your confidence in your work as a creative. I doubt every nice comment, every kind word. I struggle to believe any compliment.
There's not a real nice simple conclusion to this. I took years away from going to conventions or creating... but I'm back.
I'm creating because I want to. I'm not going to let the doubt other people threw onto me keep me from what I love.
I'm creating because I want to. I'm not going to let the doubt other people threw onto me keep me from what I love.
