A short story on how behaving like in the movies can almost kill you.

I watched ”Pretty Woman” when it was released several times and loved it. I was motivated by the Richard Gere character ”Edward Lewis” to get rich by going into Private Equity and becoming a corporate raider.
I got more motivation by seeing family members take over two major banks. I worked directly on those deals and saw the intricacies of using the capital market to your advantage during a raid. My MBA thesis was even a study of Nigerian M&A. Royal Merchant Bank was the King then.
My uncle was CEO of Royal and I wanted to do an Internship there during my MBA to learn but realized quickly that formal banking institutions had too much politics. I left my dream for a while and rediscovered tech. I went on to build a tech company with a cofounder during my MBA
When the company failed, my uncle had also left formal banking and set up this boutique investment banking firm where acquisition deals were the primary thing. It was what made him rich and he was the very best at it in Nigeria. I counted myself as fortunate and we did deals.
My friend Norbert was a lawyer who knew many companies in trouble and he brought acquisition prospects to us. Typically, my uncle would decide if we went in or not. There was this particular deal for an old Nigerian conglomerate which was too good to believe.
I looked at the numbers and realized the real reason they seemed not to be doing well was the group finance charges on subsidiaries which were meaningless. Each subsidiary was a viable enterprise on their own. The group was bleeding them. I didn't know it was by design.
We decided to make a hostile play and outflank the management of the company and get them out. The shareholders had agreed and all that was left was for my boss to say ”Yes” then we raise the money for the deal. Leveraged buyouts were my specialty. Unfortunately, GSM bidding came
Once we won in the GSM bidding process, all attention was focused on getting a consortium together to raise $285m in one month. Everyone forgot about the old deal but the management of the company didn't. They somehow got to know about it. Norbert was insistent as he needed a cut
My boss was very old school. He never used the same car he came in to work to go back. He never even used the same lift up and down. I understood as people had once trailed him after a banking deal went south. I was carefree and felt I didn't need to have those worries.
That day, I used a car identical to the one he had used to work to go to the office. So identical that their numbers were one after the other. They were office pool cars we bought at a 3 for 2 promotion. I merrily left the office at 8:30 pm a car with lights off followed me.
I thought it was one of the drunk people from very active the nightclub next to the office as it was a Friday night. I didn't pay much attention until we got to Falomo Bridge and luckily I looked behind as another car’s bright full lights were going through the car behind me.
I saw a silhouette of a person at the back of the car right behind me load a pump-action rifle. This was just as I was about to turn down from the bridge into the roundabout. The exact place where Chief Ibru was attacked some years before. Recalling Chief Ibru’s attack saved me.
I changed my mind and moved straight on. The car behind did the same. I was lucky that traffic was very light that evening and as I started to weave my way in and out to put distance between us, their lights came on and they were now actively chasing me. I had to make a decision.
Run to Third Mainland Bridge and lose them or go into Ikoyi and run to our neighbour who was Chief of Army Staff. As I was thinking about it, I realized that the best decision was to do the most unexpected and turn into Ikoyi Hotel. I made a sharp turn as they were beside me.
They missed the turning and had to go all the way to Golden Gate to turn. Those few seconds saved my life as I abandoned the car at the hotel gate and ran to hide with the Mallams selling dollars. Those people are people I trust till this very day. They told me to lie down.
The guys got out of their car, looked into my car, and hung around for some minutes before leaving. It was obvious that they didn't want the car as I left the engine running. This was something my uncle’s driver taught me to do. Leave the car for them as it is insured.
They didn't take the car and it was obvious that they were assasins. I stopped using that car. My boss bought a fleet of bulletproof cars and I called Norbert to tell him that the deal was off.
Anyway. The moral of the short story that became long is that you can't be a successful corporate raider in Africa without owning your own army. I met an old classmate running a telco in Liberia and he runs 30 deep. My people at Oando had bulletproof cars too. They love the shit.
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