Time for another thread.

This one on the husband's authority over his wife and children, and how that is lived out in reality and not just in theory

Something that #CatholicTwitter needs to realize is that many young men and women today, for the most part, have never seen what a holy and loving marriage even looks like.

What is a #Christian marriage and what authority does a husband hold in his home?

So many young people were raised with broken homes, irreverent Boomer parents with domineering wives and feckless husbands.

Tell me, older #Christian men, did you know how to change a tire, throw a baseball, shoot a gun, or fix a busted pipe before someone showed you???

We talk incessantly about how men need to assert themselves and properly handle the responsibility and authority they possess as husbands and fathers.

And that is true.

But let's start SHOWING these young men what that looks like in the real world.

This entire topic will cause discomfort for many in our culture, because we've been brainwashed into thinking that every husband is a Homer Simpson clone or a violent abuser, with no other possibilities

Drooling moron or violent reprobate.

So start tagging in older husbands into this thread to have them give real world examples of how they wield their authority, and how it is properly ordered. Give advice to these young men so they can form themselves properly as husbands and be ready to lead their families

Same goes for #Catholic wives who are living their vocation. What does this look like in your marriage? How is it lived out in reality?

How do you respond to your husband's authority? What works best for you? What is worst?

For both husbands and wives, what setbacks have you encountered? How does your family respond when your husband is actually a man instead of a perpetual adolescent?

Husbands, when have you failed in upholding your authority, or failed in wielding your authority in a loving, Christ-like manner?

How did you correct this and repair this error?

For myself, my wife, and our marriage, it is not that we're perfect in any way, shape or form.

It's taken years to get where we are now. Years of hard work. The vows you make are real. There will be better, and there WILL BE worse times. The first key is to fight for each other

There was a period, around year 6 or so, where we didn't even like each other for probably close to a year.

It was VERY tough and not much fun at all.

But we never gave up. We worked hard at it. We spent time on each other. We actively committed acts of love to each other

And it wasn't resolved overnight. It took a lot of work. But we stayed with it, and eventually that work paid off when we came through our struggles to love each other even more.

Nothing worthwhile is easy.

The #Christian faith and salvation isn't easy. #Marriage isn't easy

The first thing I would tell young men I'd that while you as the husband have authority in the marriage, that does NOT mean that your wife has no authority at all.

Learn your own boundaries first. The #Catholic teaching of subsidiarity applies in the home too

I exercise my authority in the home sparingly. I reserve it for big items, matters of leadership, & very important issues that need a steady and decisive hand

I didn't marry an idiot. My wife is incredibly awesome in caring for the home and our kids.

Young men, read Proverbs 31

Take time to listen to your wife. You selected this woman to be united in one flesh with you, to mother and raise your children

So listen to her. Wisdom can be gained by this. Just the other day my wife pointed out something to me that I was totally overlooking.

And after you've listened to your wife, and you're dealing with an issue that is about the direction the family needs to head, or a truly big issue, then clearly and thoroughly give your decision and your reasoning for it.

Do NOT be passive aggressive or even passive.

State your decision affirmatively.

Waaaaay too many men will pussyfoot around and try to hint at what they want instead of being a man and just saying it.

Be bold and forthright. Say what you mean and mean what you say. A wife can't respect a coward

To give another real world example of exercising my authority:

My wife was and still is very scared about the coronavirus. She gets riled up and panicked about it

Eventually, this became too much and was causing problems in the home. She was scared, irritable and couldn't sleep

So I had to step in, and lead our family back to a more peaceful place. I couldn't let this Wuhan virus affect our family

So I told my wife that she had to stop reading about the virus and looking it up on her phone. It was causing too much misery

I also told her that we could look after a few days and see how things looked without her daily obsession.

Sure enough, her entire persona improved. She's still scared, but it's manageable for her.

It's still a work in progress, as I relented when case numbers calmed down...

... but when they spiked again, she started obsessing over it again and she was having issues again. The peace of our family was marred again.

So I told her to stop looking at it again and she is beginning to regain her peace again.

This is real world marriage

Another real world example for us was a recent decision to purchase new living room furniture.

My wife makes our house truly into a home. So when it comes to decorating, this is definitely in her realm of authority. We discussed it several times, looked at...

... different furniture, and I gave her the 3-4 things I would like to see in the furniture, but let her drive this decision mostly. But I was very firm in those 3-4 things. I set a limit on the price and I meant it. I wanted the furniture to comfy and not museum pieces, etc

What I did NOT do was give her passive feedback and slump around. I let her know the guardrails that I wanted to keep on this purchase, but otherwise I wanted her to be exercising her authority in making the home.

So those are a few real world examples of what it looks like for husbands to have and wield the authority they hold in their marriages in their homes.

Young men, feel free to respond or send DM if you wanna chat privately

And #CatholicTwitter, go ahead and tag in those people who you think could give some great info, feedback and words of wisdom on what the husband's authority in marriage looks like.

We can't expect young men to know how to do this when they've never seen it in their lives