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It’s my anniversary today so I am thinking about the things that have kept my husband and I together while I am building my startup. A 
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1/ Let’s start with: marriage is hard and I almost called it off within 6 months of being married. Modern marriage needs a reworking for most couples to be satisfying.
When people say Good Luck, that shit is no joke and you should harness all that luck.
When people say Good Luck, that shit is no joke and you should harness all that luck.
2/ You must accept that your partner is going on this journey with you, even if they aren’t starting the company with you.
They will be there for the long nights and the disappointments and the wins. They will feel like this is their journey too. Let them in on that feeling.
They will be there for the long nights and the disappointments and the wins. They will feel like this is their journey too. Let them in on that feeling.
3/ Be brutally honest with your partner about why you will PROBABLY CHOOSE THE BUSINESS OVER THEM A LOT OF THE TIME.
A Startup is a baby that needs constant tending. Don’t pretend you will be different. You will not be. Better to tell the truth.
A Startup is a baby that needs constant tending. Don’t pretend you will be different. You will not be. Better to tell the truth.
4/ Commit to the things that your partner needs so they can tolerate #3
For him, we have an unplugged day every month. No email. No phones. That is holy time now. I hold it sacred for him and only him.
For him, we have an unplugged day every month. No email. No phones. That is holy time now. I hold it sacred for him and only him.
5/ This one is so scary ...
Have a conversation about how many men you are going to be having coffees, cocktails and deal text messages with. Trust. Must. Be. Rock. Solid.
I am regularly on the phone late with my male investors. It was so weird to him at first. Now, normal.
Have a conversation about how many men you are going to be having coffees, cocktails and deal text messages with. Trust. Must. Be. Rock. Solid.
I am regularly on the phone late with my male investors. It was so weird to him at first. Now, normal.
6/ Explain the why.
I literally don’t think I am the person he loves and wants to be with if I’m *not* a founder.
If he loves my confidence, it was forged through the process.
If he loves my optimism, it’s a lens that I picked up in my learnings.
That helps make sense of...
I literally don’t think I am the person he loves and wants to be with if I’m *not* a founder.
If he loves my confidence, it was forged through the process.
If he loves my optimism, it’s a lens that I picked up in my learnings.
That helps make sense of...
7/ “What is this all for?”
My partner would be so confused by the sacrifices he perceived I was making.
But the journey gives me joy. It provides a foundation of identity that I am proud to participate in.
This conversation is an ongoing one. Keep having it. Keep explaining.
My partner would be so confused by the sacrifices he perceived I was making.
But the journey gives me joy. It provides a foundation of identity that I am proud to participate in.
This conversation is an ongoing one. Keep having it. Keep explaining.
8/ You’re an innovator as a founder and you can innovate marriage too!
The reason we almost divorced is because I perceived that I was “responsible for certain things as a wife” — and I didn’t want to participate in my own subjugation.
My husband didn’t need me to do ANY OF IT!
The reason we almost divorced is because I perceived that I was “responsible for certain things as a wife” — and I didn’t want to participate in my own subjugation.
My husband didn’t need me to do ANY OF IT!
9/ Define the marriage you want together and go after it.
For me, that means an absolute rejection of anything in the category of cleaning, organizing and maintaining “family.”
For him, it means freedom from the pressures of social engagements and obligatory relationships.
For me, that means an absolute rejection of anything in the category of cleaning, organizing and maintaining “family.”
For him, it means freedom from the pressures of social engagements and obligatory relationships.
10/ This is the kicker: invite your partner to be your advisor.
Update them on the business plan. Give them the pitch. Ask for advice.
They know you, the founder, better than most. My husband regularly reminds me to pick my battles.
Don’t be afraid to share the risk!
Update them on the business plan. Give them the pitch. Ask for advice.
They know you, the founder, better than most. My husband regularly reminds me to pick my battles.
Don’t be afraid to share the risk!
11/ Know their circle will see you differently than other couples.
I am an odd bird to my husband’s social circle.
Don’t fret. Let your partner be proud of you. Even if it feels a bit strange since you know just how much of a mess your startup is.
I am an odd bird to my husband’s social circle.
Don’t fret. Let your partner be proud of you. Even if it feels a bit strange since you know just how much of a mess your startup is.
12/ And finally, make a commitment to put the same gritty tenacity into your relationship as your company. Accept each other and the process. It can absolutely work and be rewarding.
