As a society, we are still reluctant to look for leadership potential beyond the people who self-nominate for the role — mostly by bullying and stepping on others.

This is my story about how we as a society need to have a charisma detox from a manipulative person — leadership is not a game. For leaders, the line is crossed when misconduct and manipulation become staples of the routine. You need to report + expose such behavior! [A thread]

Late fall of 2015, Abiola Oke offered me a job at OkayAfrica. He had recently been named CEO and we both shared an interest in amplifying African stories.

At that time, I hated working on Wall Street and wanted to be part of a more meaningful career path. He expressed my role as executive assistant to the CEO was the only way for him to justify hiring me to the investors.

For the sake of painting the background of this, it's important to clearly state that I was fully aware that I was taking a pay-cut and signing up for a bootstrap start-up life. I had to be interviewed by Vanessa Wruble and Virginia Suss, who are the founders of the company.

I was surprised that OkayAfrica was white-owned and operated at that point. During the interview, it was unclear who was going to be my boss. Vanessa and Virginia were both under the impression that I was going on as support for all the senior leaders. I wasn’t aware.

Let’s face it, being an EA isn’t about money or glamour. It’s about providing valuable support to a person and an organization you believe in. This was the pretense I was operating on during my 3.5 years of working at OkayAfrica.

I was underpaid, overworked, unvalued, no clear road map to the future of my career or the company.

I genuinely + wholeheartedly wanted Abiola to succeed. I spent the first 2 years being his council, his homie, his help, as he referred to me as “The King’s hand.” He would praise me around people he respected and looked up to while he told others I was ‘incompetent.’

On the other hand, my reality changed when I fell prey to the classic use of manipulation against me with my sensibilities, and emotional sensitivity was violated. Here are my signs of mistreatment by Abiola Oke.

Has your CEO/Boss ever screamed at you rather than giving you feedback or criticism beneficial to your growth? I received messages saying “ARE YOU RIDICULOUS” countless times, I’ve had calls starting with “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?”

I witnessed and heard him scream at the staff in the conference room. Abiola struggled to express himself when he was upset and acted impulsively in his emotions.

Has your boss been inappropriate? Abiola entrusted his inappropriate behavior with me due to our pre-existing friendship. I can’t even begin to address daily transgressions of sending suggestive + provocative dms. He’d tell me how his friends thought he only hired pretty women.

Has your CEO/Boss created roadblocks that get in the way of the job, lead to pointless extra work, and create unnecessary frustration? Abiola Oke cancelled or rescheduled more meetings than he attended. He made my job very difficult by venting his emotions.

Has your CEO/Boss ever worried more about his perception of ‘CEO” than doing the required work? He would hate it when I made any decision without him and prioritized anything for the company especially the well-being of staff.

He would dislike me advocating for staff needs such as getting company laptops, requesting vacation, and getting resources to do their job. He wanted to uphold the dignity of the CEO by gaining the respect of staff that I had without meeting their needs.

Has your CEO/Boss taken advantage of you? I was consistently working overtime, I played the personal assistant role, and I juggled two to three jobs. He was extremely aggressive and vicious in his response, resorting to personal attacks and criticism if I dropped the ball.

Has your CEO/Boss been ineffective and toxic, mine has! Abiola managed company funds poorly. I have put thousands in my personal card during my time at OKA because the company card was declined regularly. He would not prioritize the staff safety and basic office needs.

What baffled me was when a C-level exec was hired I was asked to order an apple laptop on her first day at the office even though other employees who had been working on their personal laptop for years + were ignored/ asked to submit a repair bill for the company to cover.

A week before my termination, On Feb 22, 2019, Abiola asked to meet offsite for dinner at Dumbo house after missing our meeting during work hours. This meeting was primarily about my title change request which had been in limbo for about a year.

Our conversation lasted six hours, where he deflected the agenda of the meeting by expressing his pain point about how the staff did not understand his struggle as a CEO and his growing frustration of ‘doing everything by himself.’

I had no sympathy for his cry because I witnessed the company under Abiola’s leadership was not equipped with proper basic tools, managing employees, and building a team. Alternatively, he wanted everyone to have blind loyalty and get in line to respect the CEO.

Unfortunately, I lost respect for him that evening when he mentioned that firing everyone and starting fresh was the best solution.

A week later, Abiola messaged me at 6:35pm to come to the conference room. I found him and EIC, in the room where he said “the company is restructuring and we have to let you go” — believe it or not, he has told several people different stories as to why I was let go.

I am telling my story today because I want to voice the impact of poor leadership in an organization, especially towards Black women.