Ok so I’m back and I’m finishing Hook. They’ve snuck into a pirate baseball game and somehow they know the song “Take and Out to the Ballgame.”

A guy just shot a guy stealing second and I’m just saying I’d watch more baseball this way.

Williams seems upset that Hoffman had commandeered his kid and his son is kind of a punk. I don’t feel like he’s losing much. He still has his daughter and she’s smarter and cuter anyhow

Is...is Tinkerbell trying to seduce Peter?

“Do you like my dress, Peter? TELL ME I’M PRETTY”

LMAOOOOOO Peter heard his mom talking about all the adult bullshit he’d have to do and he legit willed his baby carriage to roll the fuck away. I’m screaming.

Can I will myself to toodle-oo away from bullshit, too? I have que...

HOLY BALLS WENDY IS GWYNETH PALTROW WITH A BAD BRITISH ACCENT

Maggie Smith is straight standing there watching a magic boy kiss her daughter while she sleeps?

Ehhhhhhhh...okaaaaaayyyy

Aw yay, he can fly! And cheat at basketball! And take his sword from Rufio in his weird little crop top ensemble.

Also why didn’t any of you tell me “Rufio “ has one F? Y’all did me dirty.

Oh shit he was just like “don’t kiss me Tinkerbell I miss my wispy British wife who yells at me for making money.” That tracks.

Goddamn his son flipped to Hook’s side so easy. LEAVE HIM PETER LET THE LITTLE TRAITOR GET SCURVY

Ok but like these pirates have swords and these kids are fighting with food.

Also my son is cracking the FUCK up at this pirate v. Lost Boy fight and it’s the cutest thing in the world.

OH SHIT HE STABBED RUFIO WTF

THE MAN JUST KILLED A CHILD

And his last quip was “looky looky I got Hooky.”

That’s fucking savage.

Holy shit why does Hook have such a hard on to fight Peter? Like I feel like he jerks off to thoughts of them battling. Has anyone checked the Neverland Sex Offender Registey? Cause I’m pretty sure Hook is on it.

That’s another thought... how does Hook jerk off? These are things I-

Oh he wears a wig. And THAT’S the one he chose?!

Maybe I’m a broken person but if my dad was about to stab the dude who kidnapped me I wouldn’t try to talk him out of killing the pirate. In fact I’d be yelling “WORLD STAR” and taking video. But that’s just me.

Ok so Hook is dead and I know Peter is going back home but how funny would it be if he was like “aiight you’re safe and I like it here soooooo tell your mom I’m cool with her moving on.”

WTF he’s leaving THAT kid in charge?! Why not the kid who was smart enough to look closely earlier to see that he was, in fact, Peter Pan? Man, I hope that little kid kills the big kid in his sleep and performs a coup this is some bullshit. SMART TINY KID 2020

LOL their mother is gonna think she lost her damned mind when she sees the kids are just...in bed.

“Were they here the whole time? Is this like that time I thought I lost my keys and I was holding them all along? Wh...”

HE JUST THREW HIS PHONE?!

And his wife is all “oh yay! Whee! We have no income!”

I can’t wait for the scene where they’re robbing banks to make ends meet. FFS.

Wow everyone’s taking this old ass dude flying out of the window really well.

And Peter’s all “to live will be an awfully big adventure”

EVEN MORE SO WHEN YOU’VE GOT NO MONEY YOU DAMN FOOL

That’s the end apparently. Cute. And you guys saved the rest of my family from hearing my random thoughts. Thank you for your service.

Also FFS I just saw the honking typo in my first tweet “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”

Dammit. Goodnight.