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I spent my therapy session exploring why I feel less physically attractive today than I did a couple years ago when I was working as a Gymnastics Coach which is the time I defined as feeling most attractive. The time before my physical illness really affected me.
a lot of it has to do with internalized ableism. While my identity as a disabled person is something I& #39;m proud of, I& #39;ve still internalized a lot of the messages that society has drilled into me, "Disabled people aren& #39;t sexy."/ "Medical devices are cumbersome and ugly."
"Abled People are only with Disabled People out of pity."
I can know these messages are false and tell others how untrue they are, but they would still feel like they apply to me for some reason.
I& #39;d find myself thinking, "I& #39;m not sexy like I used to be" or
I can know these messages are false and tell others how untrue they are, but they would still feel like they apply to me for some reason.
I& #39;d find myself thinking, "I& #39;m not sexy like I used to be" or
"My feeding tube/wheelchair/PICC line is really unattractive. I& #39;m unattractive." Or "He& #39;s only still with me because he feels morally obligated to stay with a sick person."
My therapist likes to ask me what I would say to a friend who was feeling what I was feeling or said they believed these things - and then do it for myself (give myself the cookie)
first I would validate feelings
Then I would empathize
Lastly I would help them look for evidence
first I would validate feelings
Then I would empathize
Lastly I would help them look for evidence
Validate: it& #39;s totally valid to feel unattractive, or unwanted. All feelings are valid. At one point or another, people feel unattractive and unwanted for some reason.
Empathize (because it& #39;s myself, look back on past experiences): there have been other times when society has
Empathize (because it& #39;s myself, look back on past experiences): there have been other times when society has
told me I was ugly and unwanted- my dark skin which I tried to hide and lighten at one point in time - I grew to feel attractive, and beautiful with my skin. I will feel beautiful and loveable as a visibly disabled person too.
Evidence: Specifically do I have evidence that people or my partner only wants to be around me because they feel morally obligated?
Do I have evidence telling me otherwise?
Do they that they enjoy spending time with me? Or that they miss me when I& #39;m away? That& #39;s evidence.
Do I have evidence telling me otherwise?
Do they that they enjoy spending time with me? Or that they miss me when I& #39;m away? That& #39;s evidence.
This thread was mostly for me. But maybe it helped you too.
