ive had an epiphany, the only reason i consume so many kinds of media is to be accepted by a form of community surrounding the subject, until i feel like ive gained a form of acknowledgment ill search for anything to get me closer to my goal, be it followers or mutuals

its the same politics too, i lean more towards liberal/Democrats bc that side is "mostly" accepting or relatable to my morals, if im more open and selfless ill have a better way of being acknowledged by all sides, be it listening to both parties and/or acknowledging them

they dont use sns to actually connect with others, they use it to enlargen their fandom, their own ego. its numbers! no one cares about your thoughts or opinions, the only time they do if its something they disagree with

with that these people dont actively care about positive interactions, they care about attacking those that disagree with them. bc negatives get more attention, its what gets more numbers. its what the news does all the time, they fixate on the bad and ignore the good

the day everyone is content is the day the world ends. there's no world where everyone is happy bc people will search for the bad constantly. no one can agree on one topic, no one can get along bc their morals are more important, no one can have fun. no matter what it is

people will always find something to be mad about

i know no matter what i do, be it insulting racists or arguing with a nazi, the one with the bigger numbers will go out on top. who cares what the others think, if you have less than 100 likes each post you're garbage not worth talking to. bc no one gets anything out of it

the only reason id get responses if its something stupid, or a dumbass take. they want ratio. they get off 'roasting' one another.

in the end, in anyones eyes, im a piece of rubble in a junkyard, some scrap. to recycle countlessly until im just particle in the ocean. i cant do anything about it. Its not like i can change anything, because thats how the world works, people use eachother

its not like this thread will do anything, ik it wont. it'll give me closure, knowing i cant do anything. whats the point of studying, or working if i dont feel content with it. the anxiety and illness i have wont go away if i scream about it. there no miracle pill

in the end ill die, ill be used. ill be born, finish school, get a low wage job, suffer for another 30 years, and die. theres no point in it. there's no point in it. no one will help unless there's money in it for them, they prescribe you pills that do jack shit

the day i choose to die is the day ill win this game of life. the day people grieve for me is when ill finally feel acknowledged. who cares who i was. i was someone's daughter and thats all the reason to mourn. they wont care about my person and why i died.

be it tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. ill die, suicide or not, im tired. im so fucking tired. i just want to sleep.