I don't really think i'll ever be able to comfortably talk about the shit i've been thru for this exact reason, and because it still seems that it's Too Much to talk about emotional abuse in queer relationships. people don't know how to parse it. https://twitter.com/AlexandraErin/status/1274910517451202562?s=20

whatever difficulty folks have discussing and understanding emotional abuse by cis men towards women goes double when it comes to understanding that emotional abuse can be incredibly fucking hard to recognize and recover from, especially in trans and queer relationships.

we (queer and trans people) are trained to understand community as inherently welcoming, warm and loving. we huddle for survival and talking about this shit to anyone outside? feels like a betrayal and a confirmation of the worst assumptions of transphobes/homophobes

there's no fun moral about social dynamics, there's no righteous witch hunt, there's no warm and fuzzy feeling when you've been hurt and mistreated from the inside out.

so you internalize it. you assume that this happens to everyone.

the reality is that it's a dark and shaky line between toxicity and bad relationships and abusive behavior. it's not always clear. it's not always direct. you're not always the Perfect Victim.

so you internalize it.

my conception of what my life had been changed significantly when i found myself picking up In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado and just. crying, crying, crying in a book store. because I didn't know what to do, seeing things reflected on the page like that

I don't have a big point, a tidy moral about social change. I'm still learning and recovering and learning some more. but I'm begging anyone to see this to be honest with yourself, be honest with others, and to try and curb this shit if you suspect it's happening to your friends.