Abusers make a network around them to shield themselves if any word of their abuse gets out. This can be partners, friends, higher ups, etc. They completely twist the narrative to those around them to isolate and shun the victims.

If you're waking up to the news that your partner, friend, co worker, someone you looked up to, is an abuser- my heart goes out to you. It can be hard to believe because they curated an entire story around you to hide this side of them.

As someone who was abused my whole life by my Mother, and later by partners, when I chose to finally speak up and act out I was gaslit, treated like shit, and pushed from spaces. My mother threatened to throw my streaming computer on the street. "No one will believe you"

Meanwhile her friends get the story of how she loves and supports me, how she was always there for me and I *abandoned* her. They'll believe her and I'll be painted as the bad guy. This is how it works. It's a pattern.

My ex, an abusive piece of shit, and first ever boyfriend, a kiwi in Dunedin currently, abused me our whole relationship, cheated on me, and then cheated on his now (fiance?) With me. When I finally tried to tell her the truth, I was 18, and in my first year at Otago,

He turned all of our mutual friends against me. I was told "I can't talk to you because you're crazy" "you're a liar" "slut" "whore" "homewrecker." And to my knowledge, she's still with him to this day. Do not underestimate how much abusers will do to keep their circles.

Later some mutuals realized he sucked and I had become friends with people he wanted to kiss ass to, but he would be seen at bars I frequented, often solo, and I was warned not to come in those nights. It was wild. ANYWAY-

They will not change. They are usually narcissistic personality disorder oriented, and their behavior repeats. If you believe all these stories but won't believe them about your friends or partners, start to ask yourself if you've been manipulated. It's so hard to unlearn.

But any time a survivor has warned me about someone I am dating, they have always been right. Even if I couldn't see it. If you're not useful as a shield they won't keep you around.
It's not worth having a relationship with an abuser. Be free.