"do you love the cello but hate sitting down? try: THE VIOLA (or The Shoulder Cello™, as I like to call it)"

"do you love the violin but hate that whiny-ass E-string? want a li'l more *chutzpah*? maybe it's time to try: THE VIOLA"

"do you love the violin but want 85-90% less repertoire? ask you doctor if THE VIOLA is right for you"

"do you want to play the violin but also don't give a shit about viciously clawing your way to stardom, regardless of the collateral damage? you might consider: THE VIOLA"

"are you comfortable digging heavily into new music to compensate for being a blind spot in warhorse repertoire? try THE SAXOPH----- I mean uh THE VIOLA"

"do you love playing string instruments but don't want to absolutely fucking eviscerate your spine? well THAT'S TOO BAD, IDIOT"