When I was 15 I was manipulated into having sex by someone who I believed loved me. It was uncomfortable and I just waited until it was over. He emotionally abused me the whole relationship and that didn’t change after this incident. ( #MeToo )

I accepted it because it was my first relationship and I didn’t know any different. I felt used, isolated and so disgusting. He manipulated me into saying yes so it felt like my fault. It still does, but I know now that consent is not just ‘saying’ yes ( #MeToo )

- if it was my own full choice, it would have been a no. That’s why I still feel so isolated. I have only told ONE person, they said “a lot of people’s first times are like that”. Which made / makes me feel invalidated and again, isolated. ( #MeToo )

I know that my experience is nowhere near as bad as some people’s. I know that. But I still have ptsd, I’m still afraid of sex, I still have panic attacks at the mention of his name and I still wish I had been more aware of the type of person he was. ( #MeToo )

I guess I’m making this thread both to feel free from keeping it in for so long, and to let anyone else who has had a similar experience know that they are not alone. Manipulation is not consent. ( #MeToo )