so. my name is coming up a lot twitter these days with regards to a certain YouTuber who's being called out for a history of racist content and "jokes" and i wanted to offer some thoughts (thread)

back in 2015 the YouTube community came together to call out Sam Pepper for a series of viral "pranks" where he sexually harassed/assaulted women. I joined the chorus of disappointed creators but I also noted that many of those same folks were silent about racism on the platform

at the time Shane Dawson had over 10 million followers and a number of videos in black face and using the n-word (hard R) and yet was invited to YouTube conferences and was collaborating with all sorts of "progressive" creators, which i found hypocritical (and still do)

after calling out this hypocrisy Tumblr, Shane and I exchanged words on Twitter which resulted in his 2 million follower fanbase sending me threats and of course calling me the n-word, "nappy headed" and a number of insults found in Shane's videos.

unsurprisingly, i was painted as the villain and a "bully" even though my audience paled in comparison to his and I never told anyone to go after him, i just argued that racism should be discouraged on the platform just like sexual assault rightfully was

after things blew up, Shane recorded an apology video and I responded with the video "here's why racism's not comedy" and explained that apologies (while important) need to be followed up with action. https://bit.ly/1voZ5rT 

slight correction, this was 2014. (wow where has time gone?) so. cut to 2017 and a YouTuber I used to work with but am no longer friends with, connected Shane and I offline in hopes of us having some sort of reconciliation.

for context, I'd been doing #MTVDecoded for about 2 yrs & was in the process of writing my book and the harassment I was dealing with was at an all time high. videos about me could easily rack up 300k views where I was called all sorts of slurs & untrue things were said about me

the harassment was permeating every aspect of my life, including my work & at the time my marriage. i didn't have any support from my network, YouTube or many of the creators who're now using their platforms to speak out against anti-Blackness & racism...but that's another thread

i was at my wits end. i felt abandoned by the community & was desperate for a way to fix things myself. so when the opportunity to talk to Shane offline came along, i naively jumped at the chance, hoping it would make me feel better & maybe end the harassment. it did neither.

Shane & I skyped for about 3 hrs & most of it was spent with Shane crying & telling me how bad he felt and how he "didn't want me to hate him" I felt backed into a corner. I assured him I didn't "hate" him or anyone, i just wanted him to understand how what he'd done was harmful

I then asked about an ep of his podcast where he detailed a graphic dream about dismembering a "SJW cunt" who'd "called him out on youtube" aka...me. Shane swore it wasn't about me although that hadn't stopped his fans from sending me the clip & tagging me in the comments

when the convo was over i thanked him for hearing me & said i'd be happy to move on. Shane then asked if he could tweet about our convo & i asked him not to. he then asked if I'd be interested in being in a video with him or meeting him the next time I was in LA. I declinced.

since Shane follows me on twitter in the years since I've DM'd him and asked him to think carefully about how he uses his platform, discouraged him from using his fanbase to attack smaller creators and cautioned him against using his channel to rehabilitate racists. no response.

here's the thing. i realize we're in a moment where many folks are reckoning with their past behavior, trying to take responsibility & use their platforms for good. while i'm admittedly a pessimist, i do think there can be a positive result when it comes to having these convos

BUT. I want to be clear here. while i think people can change, i also believe people when they show me who they are. repeated bigotry is not a "mistake" building a brand & profiting off of bigotry is a conscious CHOICE. and even if you apologize you're not owed anything for it

i don't think Shane or any of these other YouTubers who're being called out are going to be "cancelled" bc in reality it's nearly impossible for cis white men to face repercussions for their shitty/abusive/racist behavior anywhere in the world, let alone on social media.

i'll end by saying that it's important to remember that words have power. the very "jokes" that have built the careers of many wealthy famous YouTubers/celebs are the same that normalize damaging ideas about marginalized communities & lead folks to dismiss their mistreatment

i'm less concerned with "canceling" & more interested in educating folks on how the content they support harms/ upholds mistreatment of others. once more people (and kids) understand that, there'll be no reason to "cancel" anyone bc they won't be given a platform in the 1st place