(cw: sexual assault) No one every taught me about consent. When my mom gave me the talk, she didnt mention consent. When I took the month long class in 5th grade, the teacher never mentioned consent. Now I’ve found out that at my school, boys no longer take that class. (1/?)

I remember googling rape in high school. It was mentioned in my history and lit classes, but with the assumption that everyone knew what it meant. Google was less than helpful. (2/?)

The only place where I got any education on consent was the blues dancing scene. I learned about verbally asking someone to dance, what they’re comfortable with, what role they wanted, etc. I got this much at least. (3/?)

Furthermore, I feel like its important to add that by a combination of dance and the way everyone talked about romance (in literature especially) I thought there was something special in not speaking things and just having a sense of the other person. (4/?)

On day two of college, having just moved across the country and been flung into a brand new world, I got my first lesson on consent in the form of a skit with a very stupid talkback component with the actors in character. I was starting to figure it out but... (5/?)

It would take years of explinations, celebrities being accused of assualt, and the # metoo movement for me to really truely feel like I had a handle on the idea of consent. And for me to stop pretending like I knew what people were talking about when they brushed past it. (6/?)

(2nd cw: sexual assault) But by that point it was to late. I’ve struggled as to how to express this, but plainly, while I was at college I was sexually assaulted. An older female student bought me alcohol and made me do things I repeatedly told her I wasnt comfortable with. (7/?)

I think that’s all that needs to be said about that. I didnt tell anyone. Despite being an RA and knowing the resources, I had no idea what to do. (8/?)

Before you get it twisted, the moral here is NOT that if I had actually learned about consent I might not have been raped. (9/?)

But when I think about how little I learned about consent, I imagine that she probably got just as little. (I dont know, but it makes me feel better if I imagine that, I guess.) (10/?)

So as I see all these alegations about celebrities coming up, I fall back on a message that I’ve been pushing at my schools and summer camps for a few years- Kids are never to young to start learning about consent. (11/?)

Dont mask it. Dont talk about personal bubbles or listening to what adults tell you to do. Use the word consent. Tell them that if they want to touch someone they have to ask permision. (12/?)

And practice it with them. Practice asking your kids if you can give them a hug or kiss them. Practice saying no and letting then say no and model what that looks like and how we act. (13/?)

And you can do all this in isolated lessons if you want. Im not saying that if your kid runs up to you for a hug you need to stop them. Obviously. But conversations and lessons that normalize consent from an early age is essential. (14/?)

I use the word consent with my summer camp kids, with my elementary students, my middle school students, and especially my high school students. I always speak it with gravitas and importance. I speak it as a virtue, up there with respect, honesty, and responsibility. (15/?)

When you have the talk with your kid, talk about consent. Explain what rape is. Explain why its wrong. If you are a history or lit teacher and it comes up in your class, its worth taking a moment to explain to folks whose parents may not have. (16/?)

And if your child is a teenager and needs to be consoled, PLEASE demonstrate consent before touching or hugging. Consent is important in life, but the reason I’m writing this thread is because consent is especially important in times of emotional vulnerability. (17/?)

And I dont know how many of you have kids, but I know how many of you are podcasters and writers. Write consent into your stories, especially your fiction, and jesus christ especially your fantasy. And normalize consent behind the scenes as well. (18/?)

At the end of the day, I dont know why she wouldnt take no for an answer. And I never will. But the thing I can put my energy into is passing on the message of consent to everyone, especially the kids in my life. We have to change the culture. Normalize consent. (fin)