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me trying to wonder why people from my past suddenly still manage to come back. am i a dick for just wanting to be left alone?
i don& #39;t hold grudges on anyone that& #39;s from my past. i& #39;ve grown, i& #39;ve learned from MY mistakes, and i& #39;ve forgiven. when people come back to me, i feel, "Well okay, they still care for me." but why is it that i still feel a sick pain in my stomach when that occurs?
because as much as i& #39;ve grown, whenever i see a message, friend request, or follow from someone who i made it obvious i didn& #39;t want to be associated with them anymore, i automatically think to myself "They& #39;re gonna attack me for no reason. They& #39;re gonna call me names, insult me."
and honestly that& #39;s so shitty of me to even think that way or speak of them. because they probably mean no bad intent but here i am, just accusing people of doing nothing just because of the past. but then i think about, i didn& #39;t do anything. so what would they be mad about, lol
what& #39;s even more crazy about it is knowing that i& #39;m being talked about. and i& #39;m over here anxious as to why they& #39;d talk about me in the first place. is it bad? or is it good? the other thing is ,why should i care if i don& #39;t know? but when one of them add me, then i feel it& #39;s my-
business. i just recently turned 18, i got my first tattoo a couple weeks ago, i have an amazing girlfriend whom i plan on seeing in the next year or so. i& #39;m really doing great, and i know my friends see how better i& #39;m doing since these past few years.
now obviously with all the stuff that& #39;s going on, it does make me upset. the whole 1312, these conspiracies and proof of celebrities doing things. 2020 is one hell of a fucking ride.
off topic but i also JUST lost my Aunt.. and what& #39;s scary is, no one knows if it was natural causes, a murder, or a suicide. and i don& #39;t know how to handle all of the stuff that& #39;s happening this year but i know i will get through it, as for the rest of us.
don& #39;t worry, i& #39;m okay. these things happen.. but i guess the moral of the story ends to me just asking this. are you doing okay? what goes on in that little head of yours? release whatever that is bothering you. you can even dm me, if you& #39;d like.
i know no one besides my bestie and girl will see this, but that goes for you two as well, dummy. even though we already tell each other everything. talk about what& #39;s going on and how it& #39;s affecting you. but even if you are someone random stumbling upon this thread, even months-
or years later, feel free to just rant to me. love you. 
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