Yesterday's tweet brought out an issue that is very emotive for me but that we all need to face and correct as women:

We've talked about the responsibilities of fathers. But what many mothers tend to forget is that FATHERS HAVE RIGHTS. All mothers should accept this. #Thread

A father has as many rights to his child as the mother does. He has the right to make major decisions concerning the child. He has a right to the child's mother's respect.

Every child with a living father has the right to take on his name, be associated with him and ACCESS HIM.

But this is what I say:

1. If a man who appears to be in his right senses does not want anything to do with his children, LEAVE HIM ALONE. Don't Naisenya him, don't take him to court, don't bay for his blood. In doing so, you are actually affecting the child.

You cannot embarrass or attack your child's father and think you are doing your child a favor. No. Stop it. You are doing it to get revenge and to satisfy YOUR rage. What would you have done if you were a widow (God forbid)?

Your child does not need to go to an expensive school,

wear expensive clothes, or live in an expensive house. As painful as it may be if you cannot provide these, the truth is that in addition to your love and a stable home, a child simply needs food, education, clothes on his/her back,a roof over his/her head. Decent is good enough.

2. If a man in his right senses wants to see the child, please allow him to do so. A man's relationship with his child is separate from his relationship with you. He may have hurt you, but no man in his right senses will intentionally hurt his own child.Get over yourself, please.

3. As a mother, you are a steward over that child. That means you will answer to God for the way you raise him or her. Therefore, you are responsible to ensure that the child is not exposed to craziness. If there is a risk to the welfare of the child (and I mean a genuine risk,

sio hizi za kubandika), then you may restrict access. A risk = YOU ARE SURE THAT he is violent, he does drugs, he is an alcoholic, he is in a gang, he will otherwise abuse the child, etc.

4. Be wise. If you know you have had a child with a mad man, ask God for guidance.

Your child's life is more important than your beef. Be wise in obtaining the birth certificate and passport of the child so that you do not have to consult a mad man when making decisions about the child.

When men annoy us, they appear mad, so I'd be careful and prayerful here.

5. Remember that it is extremely rare,if even possible,for any boyfriend or new husband to love your child like you or a biological father would. Be very careful, even in your choice to remarry. Be careful who you expose the child to. Train the child to raise the alarm if abused.

All these "uncles" sauntering in and out of your house like it's a revolving door will be remembered by the child and will affect the child. PRAY, my dear.

FATHERS HAVE RIGHTS. CHILDREN HAVE RIGHTS. Your rights are not the only ones that matter.

Shalom