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i saw a picture of me in high school where I was at my WORST, like deadass I hit rock bottom and I just feel so embarrassed.
my confidence in middle school was so high, till BOOM, a relationship where I was completely dependant and issues I never even KNEW I had HIT me. here comes the next year, high school, my confidence was so shit since I've gained so much weight.
+ making it worse with getting a short haircut that I wasn't sure of. then struggling with my identity at first (sexuality after I graduated.) i deadass cant look at the picture, I'm so disgusted and ashamed of myself.
i was spiraling and no one knew. hahahaha. my old close friend tried her best to keep me afloat but I needed professional help.
depression is such a fucking bitch and I'm so surprised where I am now. i never thought id make it this far lol. so many times, when driving, I wanted to swerve and just end it all.
TW// self harm
i havent self harmed in years, but to this day, i have urges to do it because i feel nothing and i want to feel something, but having to explain yourself to your loved ones on why you did it.. just the way they look at you. i cant.
i havent self harmed in years, but to this day, i have urges to do it because i feel nothing and i want to feel something, but having to explain yourself to your loved ones on why you did it.. just the way they look at you. i cant.
I don't want to deal with the lectures, I don't want my family to yell at me for being "weak-minded." that's what gets me to spiral in the first place, because I'm so afraid of showing vulnerability. I am afraid of being seen as weak.
i'm probably going to delete this thread later but I needed to rant lol.
