it’s the cubed side of the take today but i’m not enjoying the “autistic people can never address their issues or find solutions to their sensory sensitivities and it’s ableist to believe that they can change or grow” aspect of today’s silly discourse

bro if people had told me as an autistic kid that it was ableist for anyone to think i could fix some of my autism problems with the right work and support i’d be living in a barrel in the town square with a pack of dogs rn

don’t get snippy with me in the replies about this. i’m autistic as hell and have suffered for it and still do. the work is hard and it sucks. do it or don’t, it’s up to you how much energy you want to put into uncertain results and i’m not your mom or therapist ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

there’s a good reason why so many afab autists end up in the theater professions

i think reading stanislavski at age 12 at the behest of my theater teacher did a lot for my autism functionality

i tell this anecdote a lot but when i was diagnosed with adhd my parents asked if i wanted to try ritalin. and i wasn’t sure so they said that adhd was a disability and there wasn’t anything shameful about needing help. if i had bad eyesight i would get glasses.

well the various “acting functional in public” routines are the glasses of autistic kids and were presented to me the same way. if i wanted to “pass”, it was explained, i would have to learn to act normal and that meant constantly challenging myself. it wasn’t my fault though

and just like glasses, you take them off when you get home and want to relax. i didn’t have to believe or feel any of the polite nonsense i was learning to act out; my undiagnosed spectrum parents certainly didn’t. it was just the boss pattern i had to memorize to proceed

lot of options for solving the “can’t eat certain stuff” riddle. me personally i have become an excellent liar to NTs by studying acting and “charm school” techniques. do i have literal celiac disease? no but that’s what i say in restaurants because it’s concise and palatable

NTs aren’t going to stick around for our long explanation of “well i have a hair trigger autonomic nervous system and [ten minutes later] so that’s why i will barf if i eat a mushroom”. the way you handle this as an adult is the way the rest of NT society works: convenient lies

“well i shouldn’t have to do this, people should just understand my unique humanity and make space for me”. i totally agree. however that will never happen. this is why the ADA says “reasonable accommodation”. that’s why that phrase is there

is that justice? no. can we make a better culture inside our own in groups? certainly. will normal people understand my individual disability problems if i just explain it the right way or for long enough? aaaabsolutely not. but lying is a skill & a system, we’re good at systems

think the main difficulty occurs with NT parents who have autistic children. they don’t know how to explain to a kid that (for an example from my own life) you aren’t going to school to learn, you’re there to get a piece of paper that says you can interact with other humans

here’s some sample lies to tell at a restaurant to cover food problems: your doctor has you on a very strict diet. you’re recovering from an illness and have a touchy stomach. you ate earlier so you’ll just have a little. you have dinner plans later (ditto). etc

used to be that convenient lies were part of the social education children would get formally, like the “i’m washing my hair that night” thing. in a sense the loss of the “finishing school” has left autistic people in the wind because we no longer have explicit instructions

boomers made a collective decision to ditch the concept of “manners” in the 60s because it wasn’t groovy enough or some shit, and here we are in the 21st century where half my adult friends chew with their mouths open. very odd

it’s code switching. autistics have to code switch & i firmly believe that while it is DIFFICULT for us to do so, and exhausting, it is a skill that is no different from any other skill, and it can be studied, taught, and learned. even perfected. you should see me with strangers

i’m not saying it’s morally correct to have nice manners and make normal people comfortable. often it is the opposite. i am saying to the thousands of very young people who follow me that learning to pass in NT society with nice old world manners is like having a golden ticket

if you lull them into accepting and ignoring you, you can pounce any time you want and wield your huge brain like a cudgel, unimpeded by their silly social mores just as soon as it’s convenient for you to do so. i’m just saying think about it. it can be a great power

and it is about 60% less effort than explaining for the nth time to a stranger that you have a hypersensitive autonomic system and if you see a pea on your plate no kidding you will have a panic attack. i offer this purely as advice from a wise old crone

“how to adjust to offensive sensations/textures” is a different thread but i will say that it is a known thing that small children have to be offered an objectionable food 5-12 times before they learn to eat it. this gets harder if you don’t catch it early, but you can learn

a third thread is “gentle teasing from your peers is often a positive and inclusive social interaction but rejection sensitive dysphoria can make it hard for v online adhd/autistic kids to process it as such” but i’m not sure everyone is ready for that one yet.

idk how many times i have to say this but i am not your friend or your mom or your therapist and i extra do not care about whatever very special circumstances you personally would like to list off about how you can’t do this or that. it’s fine to not do things, you’re excused