Here we go. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Fowl Manor looks wrong... #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Now I don’t remember the first book too much. But I definitely don’t remember the press. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

A Kenneth Branagh Film. Damn it Kenny. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

I dig the look of Josh Gad as Mulch. But why are we doing this? #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

I’m pretty sure Artemis is supposed to already be a criminal mastermind by now. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

“Unimaginable power.” So a macguffen? #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Artemis isn’t cool enough to surf. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Gotta admit. Love the Irish Celtic music in this intro here. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

If Mulch is gonna narrate all this...how does he know these things? #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

“When he was 10, he cloned a goat and named him Bruce. Weird choice...”

Damn it.

#ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

WHY ISN’T ARTEMIS FOWL IRISH???????????? #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Ok fair. The kid actor just dips accents. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Oh, now he has a single wheel skateboard thing? Is this Rocket Power? #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

DAD?! #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Great casting of Colin Ferrell for Art Sr. But this is way tooooooo Disney father/son. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

“Just tell me when you’re leaving.” Ugh. Artemis is supposed to be self sufficient and numb to all this emotion shit. Hell, we don’t even meet Art Sr. till the second book. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

“All I really want is to believe in you.” Seriously Kenny??? #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

The Fowl Manor interior looks more like home base for a cop procedural than a movie mansion in Ireland. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Kenny I’ll give you the Legos. That’s a nice touch. But Artie isn’t a “kid.” #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

HOLY SHIT WHY DOES BUTLER HAVE BLUE EYES? #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Ok. I’m gonna yes-and this. Kenny wants to give us a traditional “kid gets thrust into adventure” story. Ok. But like, this severely undercuts Artemis’ expertise in the entire story.

#ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Twitter doesn’t like how fast I tweet. Either way. I’m realizing we’re combining AF and AF2’s storylines. I’m on board. But Artemis’s bad-assery was the charm of both books. Im beginning to think Disney is just the wrong studio for this story. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

“It’s Dad’s journal.” I just hate lazy writing. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Fuck they couldn’t even let Holly have dark skin? Come on. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Haven is cool and awesome. Way cooler than Ireland. But the asthetic of the People. It feels like bad Star Trek. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Ugh. Holly looks like someone out of The Santa Clause. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

I forget. Was Mulch large in the book? Or is this a way to cast Josh Gad in a scene with child actors? #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

“You spy or you die.” Put that on a t shirt. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Judy Dench is a dame in the truest sense. I feel so bad for her and whatever they had her do here. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Aw. Does Holly have a parallel DAD story too? #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Say “ACULOS” one more time for the kids in the back. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

I wonder how much Alienware paid for tech sponsorship here. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

This Foaly is cool. But I miss nerdy Foaly. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Root’s story is like M in Skyfall, but worse. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Sending Butler to watch a tree is just weird. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Ok so Holly and the LEP are like magic super heroes and use technology to save the day. But why doesn’t the time freeze affect the fairies? #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

WHAT?! Holly just goes AWOL to “clear her father’s name?!” #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Can’t believe Holly just got captured that quickly. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Oh so Artemis is now suddenly bragging about his plan and taunting a fairy he kidnapped after he only just learned about them a minute ago? #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

So Dad prepped Arty with some weird quizzes just in case this situation occurred. Must have really messed him up, you know, socially. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

Top O The Morning. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

It’s like we went from the first act to the third in twenty minutes. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl

I gotta call it here. This has all the pieces of a franchise starter. But like most bad filmmaking, it’s shallow characters and confused characterization is it’s downfall. To be continued. #ZackWatchesArtemisFowl #ArtemisFowl