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Sorry if this is gonna sound depressing, but I& #39;m putting my thoughts out here to process them...
I do know I talk big for "posting whatever the hell you want as long as it doesn& #39;t hurt people", and having to deal with being a "small" person on the internet.
I do know I talk big for "posting whatever the hell you want as long as it doesn& #39;t hurt people", and having to deal with being a "small" person on the internet.
But even *I* get this feeling of throwing my stuff into the void, that I should feel bad for not drawing huge illustrations for my worlds and original stories and just doodling memes, etc.
This feeling of pointlessness... "what& #39;s the point if I& #39;m hardly going to be seen +
This feeling of pointlessness... "what& #39;s the point if I& #39;m hardly going to be seen +
anyway"... yeah, it effects me too, hahah. Even if it seems like I& #39;ve gone somewhere, that feeling is crushing all the same. All of this buildup for a secret project and feeling like it& #39;s overlooked, I get it. Being overlooked in general... it feels crushing to everyone.
What if nobody likes it, what if people hate it...
Feeling unseen in comparison to the rest of the world, insignificant, like a microbe... when the big thing is out but the engagement is low... I do cherish my supporters even if they can& #39;t be everywhere to leave notes and +
Feeling unseen in comparison to the rest of the world, insignificant, like a microbe... when the big thing is out but the engagement is low... I do cherish my supporters even if they can& #39;t be everywhere to leave notes and +
comments, but tbh? Even if it can be easy for someone to see me as "having it good" because of numbers, even someone like me succumbs to this feeling of shouting to the void too.
It& #39;s easy to make it a performance, that something like art should be done for art& #39;s sake, not for clout. That people should embrace shouting into the void, and just being able to tough it out...
Why continue if the results seem fruitless?
Why continue if the results seem fruitless?
I won& #39;t deny it if all of this makes me sound really hypocritical rn. I don& #39;t really have fun with these thoughts settling in my head.
Is this sort of thing... fake? Am I being fake for feeling this way?
Is this sort of thing... fake? Am I being fake for feeling this way?
I do try to remind others that establishing more clout requires more than just putting up content, that more of them thrive on the dynamic reciprocity between creator and audience
But to wrestle with there being no audience at all... I get it. A lot of people are in that boat.
But to wrestle with there being no audience at all... I get it. A lot of people are in that boat.
Writing that fanfic of mine and posting it, even if it& #39;s mostly for a "for fun" sort of thing, was definitely out of my comfort zone but the results seem fruitless... I felt that.
I also felt that... the need to air out stuff like "does nobody fcking like my writing that much?"
I also felt that... the need to air out stuff like "does nobody fcking like my writing that much?"
It sucks yall. It& #39;s easy to descend into relying on an echo chamber to grab away at that fast and easy validation, to bond with people purely just by spite& #39;s sake. I remembered long in the past when I used to have an art friend and I would have EXTENSIVE conversations w/ them +
just RAGGING on the art community privately to each other because we were so frustrated with being small people on the internet.
Sure, we felt better... but we were still miserable
Sure, we felt better... but we were still miserable
So yeah, I guess where I& #39;m going with this thread... is that this feeling of inadequacy and pointless struggle isn& #39;t just reserved for people who think they& #39;re small, it effects people who seem "more fortunate" than they are, like myself. Yall aren& #39;t alone no matter the clout
That& #39;s the thing... we& #39;re all working to shut each other down when we succumb to having shitty thoughts, and hey, being able to check one another in a manner that isn& #39;t immediately a huge explosive callout post for somebody fcking up is great. It& #39;s definitely a good place to grow
But... that& #39;s another thing too. Humans are still humans no matter how much they want to run away from that. People feel petty, greedy, jealous. Some seemingly more than others, but some people are just better at hiding it or keeping it to themselves
