We have the "why can't white authors write POC MCs" discourse again and...

I'm just thinking about how Phoenix Chosen started out as a white princess and Tavaneth was a stereotypical generic Eurocentric kingdom.

And how I wasn't the only writer of color who got brainwashed.

There's layers to this pain and frustration.

As diaspora, all I ever saw was white people with their white lives and white histories in media.

So is it any wonder that was what I started writing when I first started?

"I couldn't imagine a world where my stories mattered".

Then I realised, I can write my stories, with people who look like me, with people with a background like mine.

And then traditional publishing told me "oh, that's too niche, it won't sell. But we want more white princess stories - everyone can't get enough of that".

So self-publishing, amirite?

Because we must always make it harder for people of color to tell their stories when we aren't actively working against them.

And it is harder. There are a lot of moving parts in a sandstorm.

It's not for everyone.

And as I moved through that journey, I realised there was so much I didn't know.

As diaspora, so much of what I learned about me, my family, our history, was centered around pain and fear.

And if I didn't want that, if I wanted more, I had to learn and unlearn so much.

Writing the stories, I had to come to face my own racism, the imperialism I'd internalized, the love for white people that colonialism left deep in my bones.

The road often looped back on itself.

Translated names or pinyin?
Which form of Romanization?
Accent marks or no?

I'm a first generation Chinese American immigrant currently living in Taiwan.

There are things I don't know, things my family doesn't know, because it's hidden from us, or because of trauma.

The sky lantern festival is mostly for forriners and we like zongzi but fuck Qu Yuan.

Phoenix Chosen is has been published for 5 years, and there are still things I want to change.
Footnotes with the Chinese characters for names and idioms, frex.
Shifting the tone of the narrative to be less "white democracy is best policy".
And this is my story, yet.

So before we go further, there needs to be acknowledgement of how two things can be true:

diaspora can write stories of the sourceland as they like because it is their heritage

and

it is bad to write bad rep due to ingrained isms because that results in bad things & sad people

More layers:

it's interesting seeing how c-dramas have taken the world by storm and people who used to sneer at the idea of Chinese men in romancelandia are now huge fans of The Untamed and it's nice to get some validation

yet

Who is getting paid to write the stories?

Remember, all the way back at the start of this thread, just maybe 6 or 7 years ago, I was told that there wasn't a market for my "Asian American girl dropped into ancient fantasy China" story.

Remember I was told that all that Chinese stuff was "too confusing, too much".

Remember how white women had zero interest in Chinese men.

Remember how the tide turned, first with pretty Japanese boys, then pretty Korean pop stars, then Chinese drama stars.

Remember how they had zero interest until they could make money off of writing our stories.

Almost zero white women had interest in writing stories about Chinese men and Chinese mythology until traditional publishing declared, due to magic, that it was now trendy.

I remember I was at a panel for diversity in SFF at Arisia and was told to "write my own" by white women.

I don't remember the authors - I just know I didn't read them, but they were doing a whole panel on "how to write diversely in SFF" and their idea of diverse was Norse myth instead of Celtic.

Me: hey, what about the whole of Asia? Why only kitsune and ninjas get screen time?

Them: oh, we just aren't interested, that's not really something we want to explore, but if you want to see rep, then you should totally write your own stories.

...

Yeah, remember that?

That was ALMOST ALL OF YOU WHITES less than a decade ago.

Now it's "OUR RIGHTS AND ART"?

So yeah.

Please don't even try with "but this story super speaks to me and I really feel like I must honor my artistic integrity to tell this story and take publishing slots away from people of color".

Y'all didn't care before there was money to be made.

While I'm here burning all of my fucks with the solstice sun...

Do y'all know how hard it is to find cover art involving people of color?

Do y'all know how difficult it is to find editors who can edit POC stories as well as they can edit white stories?

Like, just sit down.

The entire publishing industry is centered around white people and white stories.

Go do a quick search on premade cover art for "royal MCs" and come back with what you find for non-white heroines/heroes.

Again, y'all didn't care until you realized you could make money.

It's 2014 and I spent 750 USD to commission Phoenixlu to draw the cover for Phoenix Chosen because there were literally no. other. options.

No. Bloody. Options.

While we're at it, my "best friend" told me if she were my boyfriend, she'd be mad at me for spending the money.

It's 2015 and I'm dealing with microaggressions about the story, about my choices to self-publish because "if it were good enough it'd get a traditional offer".

I get reviews about how hard it is to get Chinese history and how you need a degree in Asian studies to enjoy it.

CRICKETS, which may in part be because I don't do promo.

But also just...general "I can't understand the heroine", "omg what a Mary Sue", "I just....can't get behind the characters".

Phoenix Chosen's sales have HISTORICALLY LAGGED BEHIND the other books with ambiguous covers.

Maybe Phoenix Chosen, being my first book, really DOES suck!

Ariagne has sold about twice as many copies and has more reads though.

And the difference is ...what? Ambiguous cover and MCs who passes for white.

Or maybe that's not fair.

Ariagne also has the force of "Persephone and Hades re-telling in space" behind it.

But Phoenix Chosen also lags behind Goddess in Waiting in sales.

Then should we go into "we want stories of POC by white authors given the stamp of approval by white traditional publishing"?

because that's an entirely other kettle of rotten fish and just people should be ashamed of themselves for upholding the racism and patriarchy.

Sooo. I just remembered that I was told by a well-meaning white person, that I could get more readers for Phoenix Chosen if I CHANGED THE COVER to something LESS IN YOUR FACE CHINESE.

Sit with that. Y'all sit with that and then look at all the people clamoring to write Asian now

I am realising how much I was working against back in 2013 and I am over with white woman tears about what they are and aren't "allowed" to write.

My friends and family and traditional publishing and the greater world at large - overwhelmingly I was told "no".

I was told "no" over and over and over and over again.

Some were well-meaning while supporting racism.

Some of it was outright malicious.

Some of it was apathetic and racist.

Some of it was a general failure to be supportive in a racist world.

Either way, it was "no".