1/x We cut ties with a formerly super close friend years ago because he was outed as a serial sexual abuser. We tried to talk to him initially because, you know, sometimes you think they just need a good talking to, but he revealed himself as a remorseless, manipulative shithead.

2/x We lost a considerable number of friends in the process. Somehow we were the bad guys because we sided with the victims. (PLURAL. SOME OF WHOM WERE MY FRIENDS TOO.)

"I don't know them. How do we know they're telling the truth?"

Bullshit.

3/x It was so easy for a lot of them to turn away from and deny the truths of the women they'd never met and just be like "Well, he's nice to ME."

4/x The people who side with the abusers. The excuses they make for themselves to turn away. Is it "He's nice to me so those women are lying."? Or "He's nice to me so I don't care if those stories are true."?

(I don't know which is worse.)

5/x It could have been so easy to just do the same: Live in that bubble! Screw your values! Sweep everything under the rug! (Be publicly vocal about women's rights, sex positivity, and consent while not calling out the person next to you for violating those exact things!)

6/x I tweet this now because some friends (and a community I love dearly) are going through the early stages of something similar.

But instead of the abuser's friends defending him, I'm seeing more of them calling for accountability from the abuser and protecting the victim.

7/x It is a crappy situation to be in. It is exhausting. And we're not even the victims here! But it is, on many different levels, grief. And you are allowed to feel that.

8/8 8/x Nobody ever thinks their friend could be a rapist. Recognizing that as truth is painful.

But choosing to deal with it head on, talking to them, calling them out -- that is the right thing to do, and I applaud and will support anyone who does just that.

Please excuse the early morning word vomit.

TL;DR Went through a similar thing. It SUCKS. Knowing that, I am super, super proud of those who are doing right by the situation, by the victim, and not coddling the abuser, no matter how much simpler it might be to do otherwise.