I see a lot of advice on how to spot if you’re being abused but a lot of that advice relates to romantic partners or parents.

Friends can abuse you too.

Do you often wonder if they hate you? Are they hot and cold with you? Do they do things to “punish” you for something you didnt know was a transgression? Do they threaten to push you out of their friend circle?

Do they say things like “I was really angry and wanted to say something mean to you but I held back”? Are they mean to you and then don’t apologize or blame it partially on you? Do they expect you to be there for them but are never there for you?

If they’re having a meltdown and you try to comfort them, do they berate you for not doing it right? Do they compare you to other friends you both share? Do they tell you about how others disappointed them before as a way to say “dont disappoint me”?

Do they subtly (or not so) ask you for material items or presents, then go back to being cold? Do you feel like they’ve got something to say about you but don’t? Do they talk about past abuse they’ve done in a laughing way?

A friend doesn’t always abuse you the way a partner or a parent does. If a person makes you feel bad, trust your instinct. Don’t hold on to toxic friendships just because you’re scared to be alone. They’re probably abusing others too.

oh also, if you sometimes dread talking to them because you dont know if you’ll say the right thing or catch them in a bad mood, that’s a red flag.

sometimes others will try to warn you. Listen to their experience. Sometimes people change, but until you have proof they have, hold the person you feel weird about at arms length.