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Mmm. I try not to think negatively of this day because people have different reasonings for said day.
For me?
My actual father never wanted me. It has been a year since I last saw him (it was like 20 yrs beforehand).
He told me to my face that I wasn& #39;t his. I just had a name.
For me?
My actual father never wanted me. It has been a year since I last saw him (it was like 20 yrs beforehand).
He told me to my face that I wasn& #39;t his. I just had a name.
I had always wondered if he was still alive as I grew up because who wouldn& #39;t?
Every time I would see him on the streets or at a public event, I would get turned away as before.
It really hurt to know that I wasn& #39;t wanted but I didn& #39;t give up /yet/.
Every time I would see him on the streets or at a public event, I would get turned away as before.
It really hurt to know that I wasn& #39;t wanted but I didn& #39;t give up /yet/.
I was always kind toward him regardless of who was present. His expression never truly changed from one of… I don& #39;t know how to describe it…
It& #39;s the way he would not directly look at me despite my efforts to get him to talk. I can& #39;t speak his language well but still.
It& #39;s the way he would not directly look at me despite my efforts to get him to talk. I can& #39;t speak his language well but still.
Family would occasionally tease me or ask if I knew where or how my father was. I would tell them I don& #39;t know if he& #39;s still alive or not.
I disliked being teased about being his daughter even though I yearned for that approval of sorts from him.
I disliked being teased about being his daughter even though I yearned for that approval of sorts from him.
I always felt like (still kind of do) changing my last name so that I wont have anything of his anymore but…
I don& #39;t know. I wouldn& #39;t be me, right? Whoever that is. It isn& #39;t like changing your legal name is something cheap to do unfortunately.
I don& #39;t know. I wouldn& #39;t be me, right? Whoever that is. It isn& #39;t like changing your legal name is something cheap to do unfortunately.
Who would I be if/when I did go through with it?
The last, I don& #39;t know, 20 years of my life would be burned out and there are good memories that I would like to keep too.
The last, I don& #39;t know, 20 years of my life would be burned out and there are good memories that I would like to keep too.
A few months later someone was trying to get a hold of me and I didn& #39;t think anything of it right then. It was the insisting of wanting to talk to me that finally made me respond.
Naturally, it was after I told my mom about it because I was actually worried it was a scam.
Naturally, it was after I told my mom about it because I was actually worried it was a scam.
She told me it was a relative of my father and an attorney. Why? I thought.
They likely never knew I existed yet there they were trying to get in touch.
Unfortunately it was just because of some legal things that they wanted to send.
They likely never knew I existed yet there they were trying to get in touch.
Unfortunately it was just because of some legal things that they wanted to send.
I eventually found out via the attorney that my father had passed away while abroad on vacation.
My world completely shut off for a good while. I was shaking. I was sobbing. Just like how I am while tweeting about this.
My world completely shut off for a good while. I was shaking. I was sobbing. Just like how I am while tweeting about this.
They sent me papers regarding a house he had owned but on his will it stated that nothing was to be given to none of his daughters.
Ouch. I didn& #39;t expect anything but that stung and hit home nonetheless.
Ouch. I didn& #39;t expect anything but that stung and hit home nonetheless.
I had seen him one last time during this month, last year, at a public event.
My mom and I tried our last attempt (without knowing what was to occur later) and…
I just turned away, leaving in tears as he STILL refused to acknowledge who I was to him.
That was when I gave up.
My mom and I tried our last attempt (without knowing what was to occur later) and…
I just turned away, leaving in tears as he STILL refused to acknowledge who I was to him.
That was when I gave up.
I suppose to end this thread somehow…
Despite his refusal, it is clear that I finally had closure with his /actual/ passing.
I no longer had to wonder anymore.
And…
Here I am, to this day, moving onward with those who do accept who I am. Whoever that is.
Despite his refusal, it is clear that I finally had closure with his /actual/ passing.
I no longer had to wonder anymore.
And…
Here I am, to this day, moving onward with those who do accept who I am. Whoever that is.
