this year i started therapy so that i could figure out if i’m really mentally ill to the point of not being able to function as a normal human being or if i’m just not interested in med school enough to actually care abt it and i’m just lazy/dumb with a perfect mental healthhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😍" title="Lächelndes Gesicht mit herzförmigen Augen" aria-label="Emoji: Lächelndes Gesicht mit herzförmigen Augen">+

i went for 3 sessions and then corona happened and first year of med school is almost over and i still don’t know the mf answer to my dumbass existential crisis and i just want to DISAPPEAR unless i am obsessing over bands/any form of art. i’m literally going to cry rn HHHH

idk why i’m even ranting here it will not fix anything but i genuinely don’t understand if i would be THIS unwilling to study if i were to study another course at uni like is my problem with med school or life itself because i can’t say i’m actually doing something with my life+

when i’m not studying as well like? lying down all day is pretty much the only thing i do and what if i change courses thinking it will fix shit but it turns out i am just doomed to fail @ everything and it wasn’t even abt med school??? how do i find an answer to this i’m so lost

i don’t want to self diagnose but if a doctor actually said “bro ur depressed” maybe i would actually get the treatment i need and try to move on w my life med school or not but in this position i’m in i just feel lost dumb and useless

okay my last tweet but on the other side if someone professional said “u are obv not depressed these r normal” i would give up on med school bc apparently it’s not for me and i’d focus on something that requires maybe less effort/stress? i hope this thread actually makes sense:(