This is my crush. Watch her special - it's amazing.
Link:
#Comedy #StandUp #StandUpComedy #Funny #LizMiele https://twitter.com/lizmiele/status/1264950110607327233

This is Trolling! Propaganda! Make it stop!

Also, people who have been contacted by the government have been fucking with me.
@FBI @FBICharlotte @CIA @NSAGov @NSACyber @DeptofDefense @USArmy @JeffBezos Can I have some money for my suffering? Venmo me @John_Michael_Reed

@FBI @FBICharlotte @CIA @NSAGov @NSACyber @DeptofDefense @USArmy @JeffBezos @BankofAmerica ,
But seriously, I ran for President (Google "John Reed For President") and ran into all these internet hacker trolls. I went to the FBI claiming "conspiracy" but they institutionalized me.

My internet girlfriend and I are NOT in a conspiracy! She has NOT been using her friends from The Comedy Cellar (I mean the Russian CIA) to wage an influence operation on me!

NO COLLUSION! NO CONSPIRACY! FAKE NEWS!
- realJohnReed

p.s. If she ever runs for President, vote 4 Liz!

@TheJusticeDept @FBI @FBICharlotte I filed this complaint (screenshot and confirmation attached). They didn't tell me anything, but I did get chased by police officers as I tried to run from a mental institution. One put me in a choke hold and held me while a nurse injected me.

@TheJusticeDept @FBI @FBICharlotte See this Twitter thread. There are a lot of jokes on my Twitter, but the previous Tweet in this thread is not a joke. I mean yeah I got some details of the story messed up, but that doesn't mean no civil rights violation occurred.

@realDonaldTrump @DeptofDefense @DefenseIntel @FBI @FBICharlotte @CIA @NSAGov @NSACyber @DeptofDefense @USArmy @JeffBezos @Facebook @Twitter @reddit @BankofAmerica @2nondoctors ,
Everybody around me started trolling! Why was I not included in the troll factory?
- realJohnReed

What is this, some kind of sick joke? This is #FakeNews cyber trolling!
Link: https://www.foxnews.com/us/amazon-jeff-bezos-guillotine-dc-protests

@DeptofDefense @USArmy @USNavy @USMC @SpaceForceDoD @DefenseIntel @CIA @FBI ,

What's the difference between the American military, the Russian military, and the Chinese military?

Answer: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXcr3tdUCbQY4CQKTkHt5cauH-6vnRnjb

That joke was called "psychological warfare".

- notRealJohn

"To fight and conquer in all our battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."
- The Art of War

See previous Tweet.

@CIA @FBI I was very impressed by your psychological warfare. Your Zersetzung ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zersetzung#In_practice). You made a sociogram of my contacts and got to them. In Soviet Russia, dissident persecute you!
-

p.s. Yeah I know it's 2:45AM - I get hypomanic.

First date dream... *sigh*
-
#Burglary #Murder #Flowers

p.s. The name of this playlist is "DATING". I miss my internet girlfriend .

The previous Tweet was a joke. Its name was "FANTASY VERSUS REALITY".

And yeah, I liked my own Tweet. I love myself. Literally...
-

This is also a joke, and its name is: "I'm single now, bitch!"

Speaking of self-absorbed narcissists, Hey @realDonaldTrump! You may have a big ego, but my dick is HUUUGE...
-

p.s. That was not a joke. Oh, and have you ever noticed that missiles are shaped like dicks? That joke was called "Democrats don't need bombs."

"To me, war is a lot of prick waving, okay? Simple thing, that's all it is, war is a whole lot of men standing out in a field waving their pricks at one another."
- George Carlin ()

@realDonaldTrump Cock fight?

- realJohnReed (See thread)

@JebBush You once said that Trump wasn't a serious candidate. @lizmiele and @JudahWorldChamp are professional stand up comedians. If I am in the race, it won't be a debate - it'll be a roast.
- realJohnReed #JokeCandidate

My friends have been acting really weird. Is it normal for them to send me really long computer virus links to weird medical treatments that involve consuming feces? I don't think so...

I think I figured out what's been going on. Things aren't always what they appear to be on the surface...

"... most people intuitively feel as if their 'self' — otherwise known as their soul, or ego — exists in or near their eyes."
Source: https://www.livescience.com/19185-soul-eyes.html#:~:text=According%20to%20a%20new%20study,in%20or%20near%20their%20eyes.

See photos...