I guess many of you haven't noticed what happened the last few days.

Friday, the 19th of June 2020, I lashed out against several members of the #Warmongers community. Again.

The reasons are not important, though I suspect that medium to severe depression, an illusion of isolation and a large portion of self-hatred and blindness to the truth of how much people actuelly cared all played a part in this.

I don't mean to paint myself in a better light.

Everything I did is not excused by the behaviour enhancing *possible* factors listed in the last tweet.
All of this doesn't change that my basic reactions, ideology and behaviour is not acceptable at all.

What happened was that due to aforementioned outside and inside influences, I decided to throw all reasoning and basic social skills overboard and - as mentioned before, not for the first time - attack several members of this community in an effort to get them to hate me - or to

admit that they always did and just played me for their own gain.
Of course this does not make sense at all - why should someone spend their time trying to befriend someone they A) don't know at all and B) can not reasonably expect to get something from?

Also, I was convinced that this was not the case with one individual member of the community - which as stated above is ridiculous in itself - but the community as a whole.
I got quite a bit of evidence to the contrary, but deliberately decided to ignore everything everyone has

done for me in the past and went on to convert an account I made when I switched my main account (not this one) from it's first handle to it's current one. This account I then used to try and spark hate for myself in the community - by claiming that I was a number of disgusting

or horrible things, including being a fascist, sexist and pervert.
Of course most people immediately saw through this bad attempt and called me out for it - and my repeated attempts of doing this kind of behaviour.
The one person who didn't was very fierce in defending me though

and afterwards spent a good amount of time debating me in my DMs and did really have to endure quite some asshole behaviour.
Others too did their best to show me the wrongness of my ways and I want to thank all of them for that.
Another group of people went on to heavily - and

rightly so - critizise my repeated pattern of behaviour. All of you, I want to thank too. I needed that just as much as the aforementioned reaching out, probably more.
The debates and the critizising went on throughout the 20th of June 2020 and only got through today (21st).

Although someone told me, my apologies and promises were worthless in the face of them being hollow and broken/ignored over and over and over again ant this being a repeating theme in my interactions here on Twitter and over on Discord, I would like to apologize for my actions.

And although I asked someone to remind me about this incident on the 29th of June 2020 or 30th June 2020, I'd like to have more than one source so I will not forget to discuss this with my therapist.

Aside from this, I don't know how to tackle this deeply ingrained behaviour.

As a final statement, I'd like to once again tell you that no preexisting condition, no outside or inside influence, nothing else than this ingrained behaviour of mine that I chose not to change despite repeating stuff like this over and over again and being told to seek help by

both strangers and trusted friends alike is responsible for me acting out of line.

What do I intend to achieve with this?

I do not want you to follow me, block me, mute me, pity me, hate me or anything else.
All I want to achieve with this thread is to inform you about what happened and offer an apology - how flimsy it may be.